Sometimes life goes unplanned. You try your hardest to take control and make life look the way you want it to, but things happen or don’t happen. You might feel like you are stuck in the same pattern. Or you might feel stuck in a toxic relationship. Or maybe you have been working hard to achieve a dream but nothing seems to be happening. Maybe something unexpected and tragic happened, causing your plan to completely derail.
Whatever happened, it’s okay. Take a deep calm breath and know in your heart that everything is okay. It’s okay if you feel angry and upset by a situation. Having negative emotions to an unpleasant event is normal and healthy. You might even feel regret as you reflect on what happened and realized that you made mistakes along the way. That’s okay too. Through these mistakes and setbacks you can learn and grow as a person. How could you become a stronger and wiser person without going through a difficult experience? Although this experience may be disappointing right now, it’s important to remember some things so that you stay on the right track.
Below are things to remember when things don’t go as planned.
1. Avoid toxic habits. Everyone has a negative habit that they are prone to falling back into when life gets hard. That negative habit could be anything from excessive drinking, infidelity, binge eating or procrastinating to the point where you don’t work on anything for weeks or months at a time. Whatever that toxic habit is, try to not give into it during these rough times. Your life may not be where you want it to be right now, but toxic habits do nothing but hurt you. Keep staying strong and focused. Don’t fall back into bad habits just because life isn’t going as planned for the moment.
2. Stay true to your values. When life gets uncertain, your values help keep you on the right path. Even when things don’t turn out well or you make mistakes, you know that you did the right thing based upon your own values. One of my values is to act in kindness towards other. No matter what was happening in my life at that point, I stuck to my values and acted with kindness. Know your values and stay true to them even when times get tough. Staying true to your values and doing the right thing will always outweigh the disappointments and curveballs along the way.
3. Try to make the best of the situation. I understand that trying to stay calm and positive during a tough situation is challenging. It’s not easy to make the best of the present situation but it’s worth working on your attitude and trying. In the past, when things weren’t going my way, I tended to take things personally and get unnecessarily upset over things outside my control. I think back to those moments and realize that all those unnecessary negative feelings did nothing but hurt me. My situation didn’t improve because of my anger and resentment nor did I feel any better. It’s okay for you to feel disappointed, sad or upset by a situation but don’t allow these emotions to overwhelm you to the point where your attitude becomes bitter and you take that anger out on other people and yourself. Making the best of a situation doesn’t mean you live in denial and can’t acknowledge that your life isn’t going as planned right now. When you make the best of a situation, you work on making your life peaceful, acknowledge that things can and will get better someday and you stop making excuses and you keep going and moving forward. You also accept that there are still good things happening in your life right now. Even if something isn’t going according to plan, there are still great things happening in your life no matter how small they may seem right now.
4. Do not allow the setbacks to define you. One of the worse things you can do is create false beliefs about yourself based on the roadblocks you encounter. Don’t tell yourself you will never find true love because you’ve had more than your share of bad relationships. Stop telling yourself you will never be happy in a job because you didn’t go to college when you were younger or stayed too long at a company. Get rid of the negative beliefs that make you feel like a loser. Often these roadblocks are setting you up for success in a way that you never imagined. Setbacks happen to everyone. Don’t let your roadblocks create a negative perception about yourself.
5. Not getting what you want can be a good thing. Think back to the past. What if everything you wanted at that time, had worked out? Would your life be better for it? Making mistakes and failing can teach us some great lessons about life. Making a bad choice about a relationship ended up teaching me what true love looks like and how to develop better self-respect. Through trial and error, I could learn and grasp concepts that were extremely challenging for me. Life may seem easier if you got everything you wanted right now, but sometimes the best things are right around the corner. One of my friends was stuck in a job for years, living in a location he hated and not getting recognized for the hard work he did at the company. Things just weren’t working out no matter what he did and he felt he had made some mistakes and was stuck. One day a recruiter reached out to him for a better job in a slightly different field, in a location he loves, with much better pay and benefits and he got the job. Things didn’t work out on his exact timeline or in the way he thought they would but he got a much better deal in the end.
6. Take life as it comes. One of the things I’ve had to work on was accepting that there are many things that are outside my control. A close friend can disappoint me. A promising relationship may not work out. Job opportunities may not come through even though it seemed likely that they would. An apology may not ever arrive. People sometimes change and sometimes that means we aren’t compatible as friends anymore. Life is unpredictable and messy. There are many things outside of our control and it is important to embrace life, including its highs and lows. You will find it easier to manage the roadblocks along the way when you accept life as it is. To have a peaceful mindset you must let go of the idea that life or people will not disappoint you.
7. Let go of negative self-talk that holds you back. When life isn’t going as planned, you might start to blame yourself or focus too much on your mistakes or opportunities that you didn’t take. Everyone makes mistakes and has weaknesses but it’s important that you stay strong. Focus on the positives about yourself. Work on loving yourself more. Instead of focusing on mistakes or missed opportunities, be optimistic that life will grant you more opportunities in the future.
8. Let go of the past. You have changed and grown. We all made mistakes when we were younger and that’s part of growing up. You are a different person than you were before. When you hold onto the past, you prevent yourself from embracing opportunities and blessings into your life. For all you know that love, job, friendship or opportunity hasn’t come into your life yet because you are too stuck in the past. Let go of the past and love who you are now and be excited about where you are going in life.
9. Don’t force anything and let things flow naturally. Many of us try to force things that just aren’t working. You might put your everything into a one-sided relationship or friendship where you try to force things to go your way, but continually are disappointed by the other persons’ lack of effort. You might be chasing after a career that you think will make you successful but continue to feel unhappy despite the accomplishments along the way. Or you might invest hours into a project but continue to feel dispassionate and unenthusiastic no matter how much you work on something. Let things flow naturally. Instead of trying to force something to work for you, let go and go with the flow. Things have an odd way of working themselves out when you stop trying to control the outcome of every situation and stop forcing yourself to feel a certain way about the things or people in your life. There is nothing wrong with change and the right things for you will happen naturally, and without you needing to unnecessarily force it along.
10. Move forward and keep trying. Life isn’t going as planned and that’s okay. Take a deep breath and start taking steps forward. Your setbacks could be a signal that something isn’t working right now. I remember there was a time in my life where I felt like a pushover. I had a huge fear that people would take advantage of my kindness and I was sick of feeling like a victim. Turns out that I had to make some changes in my life such as having strong boundaries and learning when to get space from toxic friendships. Thankfully, I haven’t felt like a pushover in years. Things might not be working out for you because you need to change your tactics, adapt, learn from your mistakes and try something different. Many of the wonderful things in my life happened because I did something different. Instead of quitting, I kept moving forward but made adjustments along the way. You can do the same. Keep taking steps forward no matter what.
Stay strong on your journey through life. There will be obstacles along the way and sometimes life doesn’t work out according to our plans, but that’s okay and often a great thing! Have faith that everything will be okay because you are staying true to your values and will pick yourself up and keep moving forward no matter what. Trust me on this. One day you will look back on this event and will see how you have grown since what happened and how things worked out regardless. Better things are in store for you.
Work to appreciate the good things happening in your life right now. Find a reason to smile every day and count the blessings within your life.