We all have amazing and talented people in our lives. Your children, friends and partner may have big and glamorous dreams. The people in your life may have dreams that you truly believe they can achieve but there are times where you may be surrounded by people who you genuinely feel lack the commitment, skillset, talent or positive energy to achieve their dreams. Yet, being the supportive person you are, you don’t stand in the way of their dreams or at least you are trying not to get in the way of their dreams. The reality is that supporting someone through their dreams can be difficult at times. This is particularly true when you have seen a loved one spend much of their energy and time into a dream that does not seem to be coming true anytime soon.
1. Recognize the amount of influence you have with your loved one. Admitting a dream can be scary to share with others. One of my dreams is to write a fantasy novel but I do not enjoy sharing that with the majority of people in my life. Sharing that dream comes from a vulnerable place and many people have similar reactions when opening up about their dreams. For instance, I would feel terrible opening up about my dream and hearing a loved one say that my idea for the novel was horrible or that they did not feel like I was a good enough writer. Many of us have similar fears when sharing our dreams with loved ones. Remember that when someone chooses to share their dream with you, that you have a big influence on their life and it is very important to support their dreams. There is a place and time for constructive criticism but your loved ones primarily want your support.
2. You cannot predict the future. At the end of the day, you cannot predict what will happen to the people in your life. Anything can happen. Your loved one might end up achieving their dream in the exact way they want to. Who knows! From personal experience I’ve witnessed people achieve their dreams in unlikely ways all the time. A mutual friend of mine recently became a firefighter at an older age. Many people felt like he should give up the dream but he continued to stick to his path and finally got the career he wanted. Another friend published his book after twenty years of working on it. One of my friends did not achieve his initial dream but ended up falling into an even better dream by pursuing the path he thought he wanted. One of my friends was going through a tough time last year and was planning for the worst career wise. Surprisingly a recruiter reached out to him on LinkedIn with the ideal dream job. These are examples of people that I know from my own life. Even when the situation seems unlikely, remember that you cannot predict the future and anything can happen.
3. Try to not take control. As tempting as it may, avoid telling your loved one what to do and how exactly to do it. You may risk getting in the way of their dream as a result. There is a clear line between giving recommendations and forcing someone to do things the way you feel they should. For instance, let’s say your friend decides he wants to be a psychologist. There is nothing harmful with recommending a few programs you know are good or sending some interesting websites to your friend. However, there is harm when you tell your friend that he has to do a post doctorate at this school otherwise he will fail. There is also harm in telling your friend that if he doesn’t apply this year to schools that he will fail. You may be the type who is a doer and sees a clear path for how your loved ones should achieve their dreams but it is their life. You can provide kind guidance but allow them to make their own decisions.
4. Encourage positive actions. Although you should not take control, be positive and enthusiastic when your loved one takes clear steps to pursue their dreams. If your loved one wants to become a musician, cheer them on when they begin to write music. Offer to listen when the piece is finished. Be positive and constructive in any feedback that you give.
5. Remind them to not give up. Every dreamer will be tempted to give up at some point. This is your moment to be supportive and remind them to persist in their dream. Remind them of all the ways they can succeed in their dreams. Your loved one will likely have a myriad of excuses and doubts to not pursue their dream. Keep reminding them to take action and let them know that you will be there as a supporter every step of the way.
6. Be supportive in the best way that you can. There are many ways to support someone. You might be able to support someone financially, help provide them with the right professional contacts or be the person that they can go to when they need someone to talk to. Your role in supporting your loved one’s dream may vary. You don’t have to do everything but be supportive in the ways that you think will best assist someone. If you are not sure on the best way to help your loved one, feel free to ask them.
7. Remind them of their achievements along the way. Getting to the end goal of a dream may take years and your loved one may feel like they are a failure if they do not reach their end goal. Nothing could be further from the truth. Each struggle and failure is a learning experience to be successful in the future. I’m still working on my novel but every time I reread it, I find ways to revise and enhance the writing. And even if the novel doesn’t work out, it’s helped my writing skills tremendously. Remind your loved ones on the ways they have succeeded so far. Highlight their strengths.
8. Listen. When someone shares their dream, it can be tempting to question their motivations and provide discouraging comments. You may not even be aware of when you are saying something that discourages their dreams. I remember sharing a dream with a loved one and he unintentionally came across as discouraging because he provided too much commentary on how I should achieve my dream. Instead of listening to my plan, he tried to tell me what I should do and how to do it. My loved one had good intentions but at that time, I really would have liked to have him just listen to me. I would have been happy to hear his concerns but after I had finished speaking about my dream. As much as you may want to give your input, take a step back and listen first. There is always time to provide feedback, but spend time listening to your loved one so that you can better provide positive encourage.
9. Be there for them in other ways. Pursuing a dream can be very difficult and stressful. Work on being a good friend, partner or parent by making their life a little bit easier. Help your loved one de-stress. You can do something like help prepare a meal for them or treat them out to a nice dinner. Give your partner a backrub at the end of the day or plan a spontaneous date for them. Have a low key catch up with your friend where you just have a good time together. Play a game with your child or do an activity that you both bond over.
10. Love. Remember that you love and care about the people in your life who need your support. Encourage their dreams because you love them and want to see their dreams succeed. When you approach the interaction with love, it will be easier to provide positive encouragement and know when it is best to take a step back and listen.
If you have ever pursued a dream or goal, you understand the importance of having loved ones who support you. Pursuing what you want can be exciting but also very scary. The fear of failure can almost encourage us to not even try in the first place. When a loved one opens up about their dreams provide them with positive energy and be there for them whenever they need your support.