The decision to act on our initial feelings or to actually sit back and think things through is a tough one. The majority of our actions are dictated by instinctual reactions. Even if you are an over-thinker, you likely followed your gut instincts when it comes to choosing the type of partner you are attracted to or choosing the type of friends you want to surround yourself. However, instincts can be very confusing and it is challenge to know what feels right based on so much emotion and instinctual reactions.
Take dating for instance. You can meet a guy who seems amazing and you click straight away. Your emotions are overcome with joy and excitement but something inside you tells you that something seems too good to be true or certain facts don’t mesh up. During these circumstances it can be tough to know if your gut instinct is telling you to run or just go with it.
Trusting your instincts may seem like an easy to say statement that can lead us into bad decisions but trusting your instinct doesn’t have to lead to negative outcomes or be as confusing as it seems. There are strategies that you can use to ensure you have confidence in trusting yourself with making authentic decisions that can make positive changes in your life.
1. Get in touch with yourself. With our fast-paced lives it is easy to not actually give yourself time to reflect and think about what you want. The voices of what other people want for us and what we want can get muddled. This happened to me a few years ago with dating. I’d have too many voices and ideas in my head about what dating should look like. However, I never asked myself what dating should look like to me. After taking time to reflect on what I wanted in a partner and how I wanted to approach dating, it was much easier to understand my intuition and thoughts.
2. Follow your gut when there’s no negative consequence. Are you getting a gut instinct to go outside and take a walk today? How about to join a class that seems interesting? Do you get a feeling to work on a story that’s been on your mind all day? When there’s no negative outcome to doing something, then go ahead and follow your gut instincts. What’s the worst that can happen? Typically following your gut on something that doesn’t have a negative outcome, can be what propels us to commit to an exciting project or provides us with great opportunities that we cannot imagine. I had a gut instinct to join an improvisational comedy class several years ago, which has led to a passion that I love and meeting great new friends. Not listening to our gut instincts to do something that has no negative repercussions, might be a sign that you could be ignoring your body telling you to do things that can possibly increase your happiness. Instincts are often the thing that fuels our passions, ideas and work ethic. When you act on these kind of instincts you are likely to put in the effort to succeed.
3. Follow your instinct to be kind. Have you ever seen someone drop something and you feel an instinct to reach out and help but you don’t. Or maybe someone sends you a link to a fundraiser and you get the instinct to donate but you forget a few minutes later? Shortly afterwards, you silently think to yourself how you should have said or done something. Don’t ignore the instinct to be kind. Whatever is stopping you from showing compassion is often your head getting in the way. What if I look creepy by helping out? There will probably be someone else willing to help. Should I help or not? Does helping this person even matter? There are very, very few reasons to stop yourself from showing compassion towards another. Your kindness does matter and often means more to someone else than you imagine.
4. Think about the things that could have long term consequences. My first time buying a car, I had a very strong gut instinct about a silver Dodge Neon that seemed absolutely perfect. I saw this car during the very first day of car shopping. Thankfully, my brother stopped me from saying “yes” to a car which I felt was a great deal and wanted immediately. We spent another couple of weeks searching for the right car, but ultimately my instincts were telling me to go for the Dodge Neon. Ultimately that’s the car I went for and I had an amazing ride with that little car. If I hadn’t thought out my decision to purchase the car I could have made a horrible decision or missed out on other great opportunities. Because I spent two weeks looking at other cars, I was able to come up with a checklist of what I did and didn’t want in a car and was able to make a well-informed decision. Your gut instinct may be right when it comes to decisions, but often times our instincts may fail us or we may question our instincts later. To avoid the “what if” scenario that can occur from making important decisions based on instinct, take some time to think over your decisions.
5. Think things through when your emotions come into play. If you meet someone and feel head over heels, try to think things through. Your emotions may be causing you to ignore red flags. If you feel intense anger and want to quit your job because you didn’t get a promotion, think things through. The anger you are feeling is playing too much of a role in your decisions. If you feel very strong emotions, then it is important to step back and actually think about what you are doing and why you feel a certain way. Often times a sign you can’t rely on your gut is when your logic for a decision is based completely on emotions. “I know I deserve better, but I love him.” “I’m so pissed off right now, I just want to quit and move away.”
6. Don’t be fearful of what your guts tell you. Gut instincts don’t always tell us things we want to hear. Breaking up with someone we love because our gut instinct is screaming at us that something about this situation is wrong is very hard. A gut instinct telling us how we need to change jobs because we are unhappy can be very difficult. Trusting your intuition allows you to make decisions that you know are the right thing to do. The short term result may be unpleasant or scary, but by trusting yourself you can be on the road for long-term happiness.
7. Ask the input of a trusted friend. When very confused by what your gut instincts are telling you, ask a friend for some objective advice. Sometimes we can’t see something that is very clear to others around you. However, when asking advice from a friend, do know that you can’t rely on them to make a decision for you. Ultimately you have to make the decision yourself but a friend may be able to give perspective. If you are dating someone you are crazy about, but sense some major red flags, tell your friend and see what they think. Your friend may tell you that this person seems dodgy and to be very cautious around her, but ultimately the decision to continue dating this person is up to you. Asking the input of a friend should help you make better informed decisions.
8. Trust yourself when doing something challenging but great. Have you ever had the instinct to do something different and just went for it? After succeeding you were proud of yourself and glad you followed through on your instincts. When traveling through Indonesia, I signed up to do canyoning, not having a clue on what this adventure was about. My instincts told me to try it and I went for it. What I didn’t realize is that the experience involved jumping off waterfalls and abseiling down canyon walls. Just so you know, I am terrified of heights. After completing this exciting but terrifying experience, I was very glad I followed my instinct. I pushed myself past some mental boundaries and challenged myself in the process. Following our guts can cause us to challenge ourselves and achieve great feats such as pursuing a doctorate degree, learning a language, hiking a mountain, starting a new company, traveling solo or applying for a new job.
9. Listen to your body after making a decision. When you follow your gut, see how your body responds later. Have you ever made a gut decision and started to feel horrible or ecstatic the next day? Maybe you called a friend in anger and told them to never talk to you again. Or perhaps you decided to spend a large sum of money on something and felt bad about it the next day. If you feel bad or good about a decision after making it, then that tells you whether you may have made a poor choice or not.
10. Identify the right and wrong instincts. All of us have strengths and weaknesses when making gut instincts. Some of us have a history of choosing poor romantic partners, making bad financial decisions or continually missing out on opportunities. However, we also may have a pattern of making good gut decisions as well. As you become more in tune with yourself and develop self-confidence, you’ll be able to separate out the gut instincts that tend to work for you and the ones that don’t. Maybe you have a knack at knowing the right people to have friendships and relationships with, but need to focus more on thinking through financial decisions. As you understand what the right and wrong gut instincts are, you’ll better be able to trust yourself and feel more secure in your decision making.
11. Appreciate when you made a good decision. A great way to listen to yourself and to identify good and bad reactions is by appreciating when you made the right call. When you trust your instincts and things work out, then take time to reflect and appreciate that decision. With our lives being so busy, you may not think you need to carve out time to appreciate when you did something right but by appreciating what you are doing right, you’ll be able to pay better attention to when your instincts are telling you to do something that will lead to a happier lifestyle.
12. Be flexible. You can act on the same instinct, but in different ways. Let’s say you have an instinct to work on a project. Today you go about working on this project in one way. However, maybe in a month you realize you need to change how you react to the instinct. Being flexible is especially great when dealing with financial decisions, relationship issues and new ideas for projects. Flexibility allows you to train your mind to not get stuck in the same way of interpreting an instinct. Following an instinct doesn’t mean that our actions have to be one way the entire time. Being able to adapt to your instinct will allow you to develop healthier ways to respond to an instinct. You’ll be able to act on an instinct while also giving the instinct thought so you can adjust your actions accordingly.
13. Trust yourself to move forward. Whatever decision you’ve made and even if it was based on your gut or thought out you have to move forward. Recently I moved into a new place and upon moving in, there were some things I was not happy with that were not apparent from the inspections. At the time I was pretty unhappy and started thinking about how I should have kept looking at other places and all the “what ifs” that come from making a decision that did not turn out as expected. After a couple of days of letting this affect my life negatively, I did some research and contacted the agent to make some changes to the property immediately. I’ve also done things to make myself happier living in my place. Taking action and realizing that I can turn a bad situation into something good empowered me to trust myself even more and trust that I can get myself out of a negative situation. The place I moved into didn’t have to be a mistake, but could be something I turn into a great place to live. Regardless if the outcome of your decisions was not as good as you expected, you have the power to turn a situation into something good.
What are some of the techniques that you have for trusting your gut instincts? When were your gut instincts correct or failed you? Share your experiences below!