Being single can be tough, especially fresh out of relationship. The last time a relationship ended for me, I was dealing with recovering from that relationship and not looking forward to being single again. Relationships typically end because they were unhealthy or something was not right in that relationship. Count yourself lucky and fortunate to be out of a relationship and single again. Life will now go in very unexpected and exciting directions. Things may not move quickly at first and you may certainly miss some of the perks of being in a relationship, but being single has tremendous perks and is a great way to enjoy life.
You can discover yourself again. Many of us literally let ourselves go. We focus so much of ourselves on the relationship and the other person that we let go of things that made us happy or slowly forget the interests we wanted to pursue. Being single again allows you an opportunity to get in touch with yourself again. You might remember how you used to love hiking before your ex partner came along (who happens to not enjoy hiking) and how you let that all go to accommodate shared interests both you and your ex could enjoy.
You can focus on making real change in your life. Making lasting changes in your life can be tough when you are in a relationship. Spending time exercising or eating well is more challenging when you have a partner who doesn’t support you in those endeavors or understand what you need to do to work on yourself and why change is so important to you. Sometimes in a relationship, partners like to say things like you are perfect the way you are and you don’t need to change. These are very sweet sentiments and I’m certainly not implying people shouldn’t say them. The issue with these statements is that most of the time this is not coming from a place of honesty. These statements can discourage change and make you start to doubt that you should be changing in the first place. Nobody is born perfect and we all have flaws. There’s nothing wrong with self-improvement and it is possible for someone to love you as you are but to admit that you have your own weaknesses just like they do or to encourage you to do things that will make you happy. Sometimes being single reminds you that you do need to work on self-improvement and to grow. Now you can get back to making those changes in your life.
You have more free time to reflect. In a relationship you are typically pretty busy. Even your free time involves spending time watching movies with a partner, cooking dinner or having a conversation with your partner. Basically you almost have no time for yourself. Now with the free time you can actually think about what you want, relax, chill out and recharge yourself. One of the best things I loved right after a breakup and accepting I was single again was to get a facial. It was a nice little luxury to remind myself that now I can focus on me and I can relax.
You can embrace the people who do love you. Being in a relationship puts a very large focus on romantic relationships. After a breakup, many people forget that there are people out there who very much love and care about you, just as much if not even more strongly then your ex partner. You have family and friends who love you and genuinely want the best for you. After the break up, I realized how much more my friends and family cared about me than the person I was romantically with. Why focus so much on just ONE person when you have a whole bunch of loved ones who are giving you their love without asking you for anything in return? Now is the time to reconnect with old friends and build stronger relationships with your family.
You can learn for the next relationship. If you just jump from relationship to relationship without a period of being single, you won’t be able to learn and digest from the last relationship. We all make mistakes and its very, very rare that someone is a great partner straight away. During my first relationship I was very needy and dependent. At the time, I didn’t realize how needy I had become and how I was suffocating my partner. Once we broke up, I had time to really digest what had happened. Why was I needy? What can I do to prevent that in the future? After a relationship you have to digest what happened so you can have a healthier and stronger relationship the next round. Being single gives you the time to reflect on the mistakes you made and helps you realize what you need to do to not repeat those mistakes in the future.
You can travel or move somewhere new. After my last relationship ended, I ended up moving to Sydney, Australia which had been a dream of mine since I was 20. I had initially made plans to move to Australia but met my ex-partner and those plans fell to the wayside. I also learned that he had an unpleasant experience in Australia and had absolutely no desire to live there. For me, I was focusing on a future with him, so I let go of my plans to move to Australia. After we broke up, I made my dreams a reality and have been living in Sydney for at least two years. Life is good and I’m so grateful for the opportunity to live in a beautiful city that completely met my expectations. Being in a relationship means that things such as traveling or moving to a different place gets a lower priority. Use the opportunity of being single to pursue your dreams to live or travel somewhere new.
You can save money and work on letting go of some of your possessions. Money is more easily spent in relationships. You feel like eating in, but because your partner wants to eat out, suddenly you are paying for a lovely dinner for two. Or perhaps you want to eat in and make a boring meal, but your partner wants to try to recreate Korean BBQ at home. Sure that’s fun but can easily blow more money than eating out. You also spend money on possessions you may not even have wanted in the first place. You have a television even though you rarely watch TV in the first place. There’s a large sofa in the room because your ex loved to have people crash and wanted it. Being single gives you time to donate, recycle or sell possessions that you never wanted in the first place. You can now focus on your own budget and make monetary decisions based on what you want. You might even find you save enough money to afford to treat yourself far more than you did in a relationship as well.
You learn that being in a relationship doesn’t mean you are happy. Society unfortunately encourages people to believe that their life isn’t complete or happy if you aren’t in a relationship. This is not true and you don’t have to look hard or far to see that nothing is further in the truth. I’m sure you can think of people in unhealthy relationships who are miserable and unhappy. There may be people that are in good relationships or marriages but have regret because they didn’t take time to travel, pursue their dreams or basically work on themselves. Sure they are in a good and loving relationship, but now pursuing their own individual dreams is much more challenging than it may have been if they were single. Relationships end and begin every day. Nothing is permanent. People can disappoint us. A relationship by itself cannot make you happy, but you can make yourself happy.
You are better off single if you aren’t in a loving relationship with someone who loves you. If you want a serious, committed and loving relationship then you should accept no less. Being single is far better than being in a relationship that involves lying, drama, manipulation, a lack of love or unhappiness.
Time is not wasted by being single. Some people have an incorrect belief that being single is the equivalent of wasted time. Unless you are in a relationship you are wasting your prime years. Nothing is further from the truth. Being in a relationship with someone who isn’t right for you is more of a misuse of time than being single. You are investing in a relationship and person who isn’t right for you when you could be investing your time into yourself and building yourself up.
Toxic relationships will drain you and hurt you far, far more than being single ever could. Being in a toxic relationship will make you tolerate unhealthy behaviors such as jealousy, anger, dishonesty, cheating, abuse, drug use and the list goes on and on. You’ll stay in a relationship just because you feel you are better off in that relationship than single or because you think you can change the person. In the meantime, while remaining in this toxic relationship, you will drive yourself crazy, start to question reality and will place yourself in dangerous situations. I had a friend who sadly could not break up with her cheating boyfriend. He cheated on her with at least 5 women, not including the women he had only an Internet sexual relationship with. He’d ignore her phone calls, flirt with other women at her job, and the list went on. She would constantly check her phone, monitoring the last time he was online on social media or some other application where she could track his movements. There was so much anger and pain due to the situation. 90% of the situation was horrible but she dealt with it for the rare 10% where he treated her like a normal boyfriend. My old friend became someone she was not well before the relationship began and she has still not found the strength to let this guy go. No matter how tough it may be coping with being single, you are far better than having a toxic relationship where you feel like you are on a roller coaster of emotions that will not be ending anytime soon and will ultimately destroy your peace of mind.
You can evaluate what you want in a partner. Once you are in a relationship you might find yourself tolerating behaviors that you don’t want in a partner or tossing aside the fact that you wanted someone kind who treats you like a queen. When you are single you can evaluate what you want and can tolerate in a partner. Once you are in a relationship you don’t have much of a choice as you can’t expect your partner to change. Nobody is perfect and you’ll never find the perfect partner for you, but you can make sure that you find someone who meets your expectations and who loves you.
You can love yourself. Getting out an unhealthy relationship is one step closer to loving yourself. Staying in a bad relationship or with someone who isn’t right for you, teaches you that you don’t value yourself highly enough to get out of the relationship and that you don’t deserve better. Staying in a bad relationship can also teach you that you don’t mind wasting your time or the other person’s time. Once you make the choice to be single, you can focus all your energy on you.
Your great relationship is one step away. Being out of a relationship that isn’t right for you means that you are just cheating yourself from being with someone who is right for you. A couple of years ago I convinced a friend to break up with his girlfriend. He didn’t love her and didn’t see himself loving her. They were together for a year which was far too long when you don’t have strong feelings for someone. Turns out she didn’t love him either as she expressed that she didn’t have strong feelings for him either. He was scared of being single and felt he wouldn’t find someone else. Thankfully he got the courage to get out of the relationship that wasn’t going anywhere. He focused on himself and being happy and five months later he met someone that he is crazy about and more well-suited for. Who knows how that relationship will turn out but he is further to finding a happy and loving relationship after he embraced being single.
The other good news is you can still date, have fun, spend time with loved ones and have a best friend by being single. Some of the good perks of being in a relationship is having someone to talk to, a best friend and going on romantic dates. Being single doesn’t cheat you of those experiences. You still have friends and best friends. You still have people to talk to and who want to listen. Romantic dates aren’t out of the question. You can still meet new people, join dating websites, flirt and have fun.
Being single is awesome. Try looking at singleness as just another part of your life. Singleness isn’t a gap or obstacle in your journey but another path to happiness. Use this time to focus on you and create a life that you are even happier with.