Pursuing your dreams is far from easy, and as exciting as it is to initially make the first steps to make your dreams a reality, there will be challenges you never imagined. Also, things will usually not turn out the way you expected them to or on the time line you set out for yourself. As you push hard to move forward in your journey, you might find yourself going backwards. And this sense of moving backwards can have the potential to crush your dreams and make you feel like you made a horrible mistake.
Fortunately, going backwards doesn’t have to mean doom and gloom. It could be a blessing in disguise. Many of the things I wanted to work out, did work out but not in a way that I could have anticipated. Maybe I needed to learn more, get more experience, stick it out longer in a dead-end job, embrace other opportunities or wait a bit longer. Below are some things to keep in mind when you feel like you are going backwards.
1. You make time for the important things in life. Going backwards could mean that you need a break or need to refocus your priorities. Going after a dream is exciting but you might realize that many of your other priorities take a backseat while you are pursuing your dreams.
It’s okay to make your dream a priority and you often need to make it a priority to see progress. But you might realize that when your dream is too high on the priority list, the sacrifices you are making might outweigh the benefits.
This could happen when you quit your job to pursue a business idea, and notice after several months that you can’t afford the bills and feel burdened by stress due to the lack of finances. Or maybe you are focusing too hard on passing a certain subject in school, that your efforts in other subjects drop which reflects poorly on your grades and overall performance. This can also happen when you focus too much time on a personal project and realize the quality of your personal relationships are dropping significantly.
Don’t worry. This doesn’t mean you need to give up your dream but this does mean you need to reprioritize and figure out what is best for you right now. You may feel like you are going backwards, but this could be a sign that you just need a break or need to focus more on other priorities. You might need to get a part-time job to help cover the bills while you continue working on your business idea. Or you may need to set aside time each day to spend quality time with your family. When you aren’t burdened by unnecessary stress and are taking care of yourself, you will have more energy and time for moving forward.
2. You improve your skills. Not having something work out could be an indicator that you need to brush up your skills or learn something new. Nobody is perfect at everything and as things evolve, you will need to change and adapt too. This setback could be the learning experience that you need to take big strides forward.
It can be scary to have to go back to being a beginner when pursuing something new. You might be one of the most knowledgeable people in your field or company and known as an expert in what you do. However, you might need to take a step back to steps forward in your career and dreams. You might need to learn a completely new skill, accept roles that are more junior and take the role of a learner rather than a mentor.
Taking these beginner steps can be challenging, particularly when you are used to being great at things. Don’t fall into the trap of doing the same thing just because you are good at it. You prevent yourself from growing and moving forward when you continue to focus on your strengths and not work on your weaknesses.
Don’t avoid great opportunities because you may have to learn new skills. Don’t sabotage your progress by focusing on certain areas and avoiding others. I often see this with health. Some people might focus on exercise but completely ignore their nutrition or vice versa. It’s important that you work on many areas to move forward. You don’t need to be great at everything, but it’s important that you don’t get into the habit of neglecting the areas that you find hard or feel are your weaknesses. Focusing too much on your strengths can keep you stuck and hinder your progress.
3. You can find the achievements in your failures. Not having things work out can make you feel like you are a failure, but that’s not the case. Instead, work to re-frame your thoughts to see how you have progressed even though you failed this time.
You are not the person you were when you first started. Maybe your first book didn’t get published, but you have a better grasp on writing, know more about the process about getting published and are in a stronger position for the next time you try to publish your work. Maybe you didn’t reach your health goals this year but you have a better idea of how to manage your nutrition and workout regime. And when you start your goals again, you’ll be in a stronger position to reach them.
Focus on the personal accomplishments you did make even though things didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to. You have grown as a person and gained more experience. You are much further along to reaching your goals, even though things didn’t work out this time.
4. You can let go of needing to control everything. Part of moving forward means that you need to let go of control. You might be reading this and wondering what exactly this means. Surely many things you need require persistence, determination, hard work and a solid plan. That’s correct but often, to move forward, you need to let go of having control over too many elements in your life.
You ultimately cannot control how successful you will be, when you will achieve that lifelong dream or how things will fall into place. Allowing yourself to go backwards, is part of letting go of that need for control. Instead of constantly striving to force everything to fit perfectly, you can reflect on your life, measure what’s going right, process what’s happening and look around at the opportunities around you.
Even though you might feel like you are going backwards, that might not actually be the case. Finding time to assess your life, accept certain elements and reflect is vital to moving forward. This process might be frustrating because you feel like you should be working hard, making each hour productive or searching for new opportunities. But it’s important that you take time to reflect and process your feelings. This process can even result in you finding opportunities that lead you closer to where you want to be.
Letting go allows you to make sure that this path is bringing happiness and peace into your life and that how you are spending your time aligns with your life values.
5. Your perspective can shift. Following your dreams could make you realize that the thing you thought you wanted, was something that didn’t really interest you. A similar thing happened to me when pursuing a dream to be a clinical psychologist. Along the way of trying hard to become a clinical psychologist, I realized that this field seemed less and less interesting and I found myself only going down this path because it used to be a dream and not because I wanted to.
I changed what I wanted and instead of moving forward down that path, I took a step back and pursued other careers that seemed interesting to me. Taking risks can make you realize that the thing you thought you wanted, isn’t right for you.
Even though you took a step backwards, you took leaps forward because you can now focus your energy into other things that you find interesting and enjoy. You gave that dream a chance, and realized that there are other things out there that are a better fit for you.
Try to not be so hard on yourself when you feel like you are taking steps backward. Going backwards might the best thing you need right now to propel yourself forward.