Security and safety is what many of us crave. Some of us put aside our own desires and passions to be safe. Opportunities become available to us but the risk is too scary. Having a life of security is certainly not a bad thing. On the contrary, living a secure and safe life is a good thing. However, this post is about how we hold tightly onto our safety nets even as our situations change or we feel our pathways need to venture elsewhere. Here are a few examples of where we cling to safety nets for years.
- You stay in the same job for years on end. You don’t care much for your job but it pays the bills. There’s no opportunities for you to grow, challenge yourself and even a promotion seems very far off. You hold tightly onto this job even though you want to pursue a different career or try working at a different company. However, the risk of trying something new seems too great.
- You’ve been with your boyfriend for years. You know the relationship isn’t leading towards anything, and for the majority of your life you haven’t desired marriage or children. However, now you are starting to crave the idea of a family but the idea of letting a relationship go to pursue what you really want is too scary.
- You feel stuck in your life. Nothing has changed. You hang out with the same people, do the same things and you dislike what your life has become. Stepping out of your lifestyle is desirable but you are too scared of the potential risks. You are afraid of losing your current friends, not meeting anybody new or feel anxiety about being in a new situation where you have to interact with new people.
- Things with your career are going great. Your coworkers respect you, you’ve had a recent promotion, good benefits and a good salary. However, you dislike what you do. Your passion lies elsewhere. To pursue this passion you would need to obtain a new degree and start over again. You are afraid to throw away what you have to pursue your dream.
- You are trying to apply for jobs but nothing seems to be happening. Nobody has called you back for interviews. You feel like your degree is being unused and you have to work at a job just to pay the bills. You are losing hope that you will never be able to achieve your dreams.
Many of us can relate to the above scenarios in some ways. You are now in a place of your life where you need to test yourself and start the process of self-discovery. Below are some key things to remember when getting yourself unstuck.
1. Listen to your feelings. Feelings of discontentment are often a sign that a change needs to happen. By ignoring these feelings, you are ultimately ignoring what you really want in your life. Listening to your feelings doesn’t mean that you have to jump in and make a rash decision such as quitting a job or ending a relationship. Listening to your feelings gives you room to acknowledge what you really want in your life. Give yourself the opportunity to actually know what you want by acknowledging your emotions. As you create the space to consider your feelings, you will realize that you are in control of your own happiness.
2. Take a deep breath, for you are not alone. Almost all of us have felt stuck in some ways. Everyone of us has times where life feels to be full of disappointments and not going according to plan. The good news, is that many of us have stories about how we have overcome these tragic periods in our lives. After things with my ex-boyfriend ended horribly, I felt very lost. I disliked my job, felt friendless in the city I was living and felt like I had thrown away some of my plans to be closer to my ex-boyfriend. Life felt stuck. Ironically, a position in Sydney, Australia opened up at work. I inquired with my manager about the position and actively pursued a relocation to Australia, a country I had always dreamed of living at for years. Life sometimes works in unexpected ways. All of us have been through challenges, heartbreaks and let downs. Many of us have kept going and have reaped some amazing rewards from staying true to what we want. Remember you are not alone and you will get through this.
3. Rely on your bravery. Doing something different is brave. You are challenging yourself by stepping out of your comfort zone. Keep in mind, that stepping out of our comfort zones is different for everyone. I have a friend who can easily apply for jobs, market himself, have tough conversations with his manager and negotiate what he wants from his job. However, he has a tough time meeting new people outside his coworkers. That is his specific challenge even though there are places in his life where he can take risks. For myself, I can easily take risks with traveling, trying new things, meeting new people and pursuing interesting hobbies. However, moving out of my comfort zone with my career has always been a challenge for me. Rely on your bravery to move you out of your comfort zone. Keep in mind that there are likely areas of your life where you do take risks. Rely on this bravery to keep you moving forward in other aspects of your life.
4. Change is necessary to move forward. There are times in our lives where we wish things just happened, without any effort on our parts. That is why many of us wish to make millions through the lottery, to stumble upon the next billion dollar business idea, randomly meet our dream partner or wait for something to just happen. Changes allow our lives to move forward. Wishing for life to change without any effort on your part will likely mean that you will be waiting for change for many, many years. It is never too late to go back to school, start a new career, learn a new skill, meet new and amazing people or travel the world. You can reinvent yourself at any age. Things will not often come to you with just time and age. Waiting for things to just fall into place or hoping life will get better without taking control of your life will often fail. You can make positive changes in your life. Your decisions, choices and thoughts are what makes things happen. Stay strong and allow yourself to make changes to get your life moving in the direction you want your life to take.
5. You may never know what you are capable of until you give yourself the chance to fail. Remaining stagnant greatly limits our potential. If you don’t allow yourself the room to grow, try new opportunities or meet new people, you’ll never reach your full potential. When you take a risk, there is a chance you will fail. However, by taking the risk you will grow as a result. I have a friend who always wanted to dance but always gave herself excuses to not give it a shot. One day she decided to finally enroll in some classes and get some help learning to dance. A year later she was in a dancing competition, spending most of her nights dancing and making amazing friends in the progress. She is not yet at the level of dancing she wants to be, but she is steps ahead due to taking a risk and giving dancing a real shot.
6. Have faith in yourself. Moving yourself out of a rut can be tough and you will have to rely on your faith during times where you are unsure that things will work out. Have faith that you have everything you need to move yourself forward. Your life may not be where you want it to be right now, but you have the power to move your life forward. You may not have complete control over everything that happens to you, but you can have faith that you will get yourself through whatever obstacles lie ahead. Even when you make mistakes, take back control and remember that you get to decide the direction your life will take.
You will never be happy until you start taking care of yourself and your own happiness. Life can be disappointing at times. Things may happen to you that are outside of your control. However, you are in full control over what you decide to do next. Getting yourself unstuck might involve taking risks such as relocating, learning a new skill, working very hard to get the career you want or making new friendships. Open yourself to the possibilities in front of you and keep persisting and fighting for what you want. You might find yourself in the place you want to be by being open to the opportunities right in front of you. Remember that you are the artist of your own life. Take each day one at a time and allow yourself to attract opportunities into your life. Don’t give up hope. You can do this. Have faith in yourself.