Many of us can relate to the moment where we feel disillusioned with our lives. Feeling like my life doesn’t have a clear vision has occurred for me quite a few times. My life may seem eventful, full of amazing people and I might have a busy calendar but the purpose of my life was not clear. One of the frustrating things about your life not having a clear vision, is that often times we don’t even realize it. You might even try to make yourself busy and even more distracted to avoid the painful realization that your life lacks focus.
1. Your priorities are not your own. A big sign that your life lacks vision is if you find yourself being reactive and not taking much initiative in your life. Much of your schedule revolves around plans thrust upon you by family or friends. Even your hobbies are things you signed up for because your loved ones got you into it. You find yourself always ditching the gym, something you really want to get back into, so you can go out to eat with a friend instead. Your interested in being more invested in your own projects but you find yourself easily distracted by always saying yes to invitations from other people. Basically you allow your life to go with the flow of what other people want for you. Sure, you might initiate every so often, but the majority of your life revolves around priorities that are not your own.
The solution: Start saying no more often.You don’t have to say no all the time. The point of saying no is to understand what you really want. For instance, are you going to this birthday party because you feel guilty missing it because you already committed to the birthday weeks ago? Are you catching up with the same friend multiple times a week and feel bad saying no because you want to go to the gym? As you say start reorganizing your priorities, you’ll start to see that your life has more direction and that you’ll spend far less time doing things that distract your vision.
2. You aren’t happy doing the things that you used to love. There was a time where I loved to sing. Being involved in choir was a really wonderful thing at a certain point in my life. Eventually I started to feel less joy from singing but I continued to show up for rehearsals and be involved anyway. This occurred for years until I took the initiative to walk away and try something different. There are some passions which will stick with us for life. Maybe you will never give up writing or your love for cooking. However, there are many interests and hobbies that we will not be content with at some point. Being able to say that something you used to love isn’t really for you anymore, is a sign that your life has focus. Continuing to stay involved in hobbies that don’t bring you joy will keep you stuck and block your vision.
The solution: Identify what doesn’t make you happy.Start thinking about all the activities you do regularly. Be completely honest with yourself. What activities do you genuinely find boring? What activities do you sometimes enjoy and sometimes are bored by? Are there things you really want to try but are nervous to do? For instance, maybe you want to try dancing but don’t want to do it alone. Maybe you want to take an acting class but feel like its silly to do at this time in your life. Being honest with what you want and why you aren’t doing it will help you battle the next steps of finding the courage to pursue the interests you genuinely want. Understanding what you have outgrown will allow you to make the necessary steps to start the process of letting go of things that don’t bring happiness to your life anymore.
3. You feel envy. Admitting that you are envious can be tough at times. Envy is a big sign that something in your life is going off track. A couple of years ago I felt some envy over my friend’s work situation. In my mind, his career seemed to be going great. He was doing his dream job, something he loved and was making a great salary too. My envy of his career situation was a dead giveaway that my life was lacking vision. I should be feeling happy and proud of my friend, not envious of the joy that he created from having a clear vision in his life. Envy is a sign that you view someone’s life as better than yours and that you lack satisfaction in your own life.
The solution: Look internally instead of externally. Focus your energy on your own life. Truthfully, it is not fair or kind to judge someone’s life. Instead focus your energy on understanding why parts of your life feels unacceptable to you. Take this time to also reflect on the wonderful things about your life. Sure, maybe you dislike your job but maybe you also have an amazing support network. Focus on the positives of your life and the things you feel need some improvement. As you focus on your own life, you’ll start to feel less envy and realize that you have control to get your life moving in the right direction.
4. You are easily distracted. I’m guilty of having clear things that I need to do, and allowing myself to get distracted. This also ties in with priorities not being your own in some ways. You know that part of what you want in your life is to graduate with good grades, but you allow yourself to be distracted by other things. As a result your grades suffer or your life is unnecessarily stressful with trying to balance distractions and keeping your good grades. Another example is how you were supposed to look up opportunities to up-skill yourself but you continue to be distracted by other things. As a result the process of up skilling yourself either doesn’t happen or takes much longer than it needs to. Having distractions every so often is okay. However, when distractions are getting in the way of your dreams, then you are lacking a consistent vision in your life.
The solution: Identify the things that keep you engaged. Being easily distracted could be a sign that you aren’t all that interested in what you are doing. I enjoy my Hindi class and during that class I’m very engaged in the subject. However, there are other situations where I’m easily distracted. Being easily distracted is a sign that whatever you are doing may be what you are not meant to be. Identify what you find engaging and use that as a guideline for finding purpose in your life.
5. You are disconnected. Lacking focus can have a negative influence on your personal life. You might find that your relationship with your partner suffers a bit or that you drop off the map with your friends. Your behavior changes sporadically and you might experience feelings of discontentment, unhealthy appetite changes or a lack of motivation. Discontentment with your life can have the negative consequence of you being disconnected from loved ones. On a more extreme end, disconnect may result in you not caring as much about your personal hygiene or health.
The solution: Start small and find ways to start reconnecting. When you are unclear about your own life purpose, trying to feel connected can be a challenge. Aim small and see where it takes you. You might start with spending more time with a couple of close friends or planning a date night once a week with your partner. Behavioral changes can also be a slow and gradual process as well. Consider going to the gym a couple of times a week and reducing your intake of unhealthy snacks and drinks.
6. You can’t appreciate anything. When something good happens, you tend to ignore it and focus on the next thing on your path. Even allowing yourself to slow down and appreciate the present feels like a challenge at times. You fear failure because you can’t appreciate the life lessons that come from failing.
The solution: Focus on the positives of your life. Don’t go looking for the big things just yet. Start small. Appreciate the fact that you have a job or that you paid the bills this month. Make a list of all the things you do appreciate about your life. As you make this list, you’ll start to see all the positive things build.
7. You lack motivation. Given that your life doesn’t have a vision, you will naturally lack motivation. You know you want a career change, but because you don’t have the vision, you lack the motivation to revamp your resume, apply for jobs and pursue opportunities. You also lack the motivation to keep going when failure happens. Because you aren’t quite sure what your life purpose is, you can easily call it quits when things aren’t heading in the direction you think it should.
The solution: Focus on the small goals. Even though you don’t have the big picture yet, you can still continue achieving goals. For instance, you may not know what you want to do for a career, but you can still show up to classes, try your best, intern at different companies and get different experience. Sometimes the best way to find our passion, is to focus on the small goals. Small goals will help us paint a bigger picture on what we want and continue to give us motivation.
8. You have no long-term goals. When you talk about what you want for your life, your goals seem to be all over the place. You are currently a lawyer but also thinking about becoming a psychologist too. Oh and you want to be a vet, and possibly a graphic designer. You can’t figure out if you want to quit your job and travel the world or join the peace corps. Maybe you just tell people you simply have no long term goals. Unclear long term goals about your life are a big giveaway that you are lacking a vision or purpose in your life. There are times when understanding specifically what you want is tough. However, when you have a long term goal you tend to have some idea of what you want, even if you don’t have the specifics worked out just yet. For instance, you might know that you want to move closer to your hometown, but you may not have a plan about how specifically that will happen just yet.
The solution: Get in touch with your passions. One of the great things about life is that you are able to have many passions. Your life purpose may not be just one thing. You might end up doing several things that you love. However, instead of basing your goals off of things that sound interesting, figure out where your passion is. For instance, maybe you are interested in graphic design but not enough to pursue a second degree in it or to learn graphic design full-time on your own. That lack of passion could be a sign that graphic design isn’t for you. However, maybe you love cooking. You love cooking so much that it would be your dream to go to culinary school, learn the art, work at a restaurant part-time and so on. The passion you feel to cook is a good sign that this may be a long term goal for you. Even when your long-term goal seems unclear, you can still rely on your core desires to have a better understanding of what you want. For instance, maybe you don’t know what career you want to do but you know you have a passion for helping people. That passion for helping people may point you in the right direction for a long term vision.
Almost everyone goes through a point where they aren’t sure what their life vision is. The vision of your life may change or even feel nonexistent at times. You don’t have to obsess over how the rest of your life will be. However, you can start leading a life so that you are more receptive to your life vision. Your vision typically won’t come to you without a bit of effort on your part. Start making room for what matters and reorganizing your own priorities. As you allow yourself to be receptive to what you want, you’ll be more likely to identify things that you are passionate about.