Making new friends is easily one of the more difficult things to do in our lives. I’ve moved around quite a bit since high school, living in 3 different states and moving overseas. Each time I had to try to meet new people and make friends. You’d think that making friends would be easier over time, but it is just as challenging in ways that are unimaginable and unexpected. Finding friends in Iowa was the most difficult for me. I was in graduate school, surrounded by students who were starting families or already had good friends. Many graduate students had completed their undergraduate in the same area so they already had their social group. Making friends within these groups was a challenge. Finding new events and things to do in Iowa was also really tough as I did not have a car and many events required transport. I did make a few friends in Iowa but the journey was rough.
Moving to Sydney Australia was a different end of the spectrum. I knew absolutely nobody when I moved to Australia and was very fearful that I wouldn’t make friends or develop a support network. Luckily, I was making friends within the first month of arriving. Sydney has so many opportunities to meet new people and I found myself making friends through wine tours, beach outings and pub crawls. Before I knew it, my social calendar was filled with things to do and after 6 months of living in Sydney, I found some close friends.
You can’t control who wants to be your friend, but you can control how much you take an active role in meeting new people. Not everybody will want to be your friend, and you certainly don’t want to be everyone’s friend but making new friends is very important. Friendships are needed in our lives. Even if you are an introvert and thrive off of having space and time for yourself, you still need friendships. Below are some reasons on why friendships are vital and necessary.
- Some things are more fun with others. Your current friend group may not really like the same type of activities or may not have the money to tag along with you to the movies or on a weekend trip. If you have moved to a new city, you may find yourself doing things alone. I love doing stuff solo, and some activities are just as fun by yourself too, but you can have an entirely different and exciting experience when you have friends. Some activities require friends such as participating in an escape room or playing board games. Other activities such as going to a theme park are more fun with a friend. You have someone to talk to while waiting in the long lines!
- You develop better social skills. When I spend too much time by myself, I feel like I don’t practice my social skills enough. I’m not a shy person but I find myself being quiet, shy and not speaking my mind as much when I’m around people. A great way to get through social anxiety and to become more comfortable talking with people, is allowing yourself to meet and spend time with new people. You don’t have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable like going to a party where you don’t know anyone. But make an effort to have coffee with someone new or to go to a movie with a friend. The more you spend time with your friends, the easier it will be to strengthen your social skills.
- You discover new perspectives and interests. When you hang around the same group of people, you do the same things. Some of these things you don’t even like but you do them anyway. You hate board games but you don’t want to be left out so you go anyway. You’d like to check out a local concert but none of your friends are interested. If your friends don’t make positive changes in their lives, you’ll feel even more out of place when you make changes. By meeting new people, you open yourself to a different way of viewing the world. By meeting new people you develop a better awareness of what’s happening around you and develop tolerance towards different lifestyles. Your new friend group may introduce you to things that you are passionate about.
- Sometimes you need a support group. Being friendless in Iowa was hard because I lacked a support group. I felt miserable. I wasn’t used to such a rural lifestyle and felt out of place. My support network lived in different States and they were available for a phone call or a chat online but I needed much more than that. I needed friends that I could spend physical time with. Having friends allows me to have a support group. These are people I can get support from when I have problems, ask for help with things such as moving and get valuable opinions and advice from. When moving to a new area, having a support network is very useful. You can get help on the best neighbourhoods to live, restaurant recommendations and have someone to talk to when you feel a bit down.
- You get some good feedback. Friendships can help us know ourselves better. Even the most introspective person may not be aware of their shortcomings or flaws. Without friends, I wouldn’t have known that sometimes my humour can be taken the wrong way or that I have issues asking for help when I need it. Friends have also identified many of my key strengths.
- Networking opportunities. Your friends can help you get jobs and make connections that will be incredibly useful for your career. Several years ago I helped a close friend get a job at a company I worked for. Whenever I’m applying for jobs, I ask my friends if there are any openings at their jobs and if they can do anything to assist me with finding a job.
- Find your tribe. You are an amazing and unique person. The good news is that there are other people out there who you can connect with and who will make you feel nurtured and supported. Without making friends, you stand alone. You miss an opportunity of meeting other people who will bring out the best in you.
- You have people who choose to love you. Your family loves you, but much of that love comes from a biological pull. Our partners can give us romantic and platonic love but that is still a different type of love from your friends. Your friends choose to love you. They love you without expectations and with full acceptance. Our friends are the ones we can rely on when other people disappoint or hurt us.
Meeting new friends can be tricky. The way you meet friends will vary based on your age, location and what you are looking for. Are you looking for your next bestie or a group of people to go out with after work or on the weekends? Regardless of what kind of friend you are looking for, here are 9 ways you can meet new friends.
- Get in touch with old friends or acquaintances. A big lesson I learned in the past several years is that people crave friendship just as much as you do. You probably already know many people who are in the same boat of wanting friends but not knowing how to find them. Plan an event and reach out to a few old friends or acquaintances to join you. Send someone a message and see if they would like to meet and catch up sometime. Build off of your existing contacts to make new friendships. You already have something in common so that may be easier than forming friendships with strangers.
- Strike up a friendship with your co-worker or classmate. If you work or study with someone that you chat to in class, see if they’d like to meet up later for coffee or dinner. Break the barrier of only needing to communicate in a classroom or work environment so that the friendship can naturally evolve. Please note that some co-workers and classmates may only want a strictly professional relationship with you. Don’t take it personally if a co-worker or classmate doesn’t have an interest in developing a friendship with you.
- Accept invitations to events. I love planning events and inviting new people, but the easiest way for me to stop including people is if they never say yes to any of my invitations. Get in the habit of saying yes to events. Get yourself in a positive mood to go out and not fall into the habit of rejecting an invite last minute. As you start accepting invitations to go out, you’ll start to notice that you are invited to events regularly and will become part of a friend group relatively quickly.
- Attend courses, workshops or conferences. Going to a course for personal development can be a great way to meet like-minded people relatively easy. There will be networking opportunities and you might make a new friend in the process.
- Use social media. Social media is a good way to meet up with acquaintances and old friends. If you feel uncomfortable giving someone a phone call or text message, send them a brief message on a social media network. You can say something brief, like “It’s been so long since we caught up. Let’s catch up sometime. Let me know if you are free?” Make your message a low key invite and you might have a few catch ups organized for the week.
- The dog park. I always took my dog to the dog park several times a week. After a couple of weeks you start to see the same regulars and you inevitably chat with each other. If you develop a rapport with someone at the dog park, ask them if they would like to meet up sometime outside the dog park. You can even bring your dogs. Maybe you guys could go for a walk with the dogs or meet up at a dog friendly place for some drinks.
- Join a sports group or other groups of interest. If you have an interest in something, then you will more quickly meet other people who share similar interests to you. Breaking the communication barrier with people will be much easier when you already have something in common.
- Join a book club. If you enjoy reading, then find a book club that you enjoy. You’ll have something to attend weekly and will be able to meet people in a casual and low key environment.
- com: I’ve made a few really good friends in Sydney from using Meetup. I typically find an event I’m interested in such as wine tasting, hiking groups or a murder mystery and attend an event. By going to an event that sounds fun, I’m not disappointed if I don’t meet any new friends and I still have a great time. Give Meetup a chance. Go to an event that seems fun and be open to meeting new people.
Remember, making friends takes time. Friendships can only evolve organically. I’ve met people on trips where we seemed to hit it off and connect but we never met up afterwards. Plans would fall through or the person seemed to lack interest in meeting up again. Oher people were more open to meeting up, doing things and having fun. Never lose hope. Your tribe is out there somewhere. Be positive and keep remaining active and you will eventually make amazing friends.