Drama was most evident in my life during high school and my early twenties. I’d seem to be surrounded by people who would gossip, spread rumors or assume the worst when a misunderstanding occurred. I wish I could say that I wasn’t a participant in the drama, but I was. I wish I could say that the drama ended completely as I got older. Overall drama has lessened significantly in my life but there have been unhealthy and toxic dramatic relationships, friendships that thrived on drama and people at work who were dramatic and I allowed myself to stay involved in the drama for far too long. Yet, all these experiences were challenges to learn how to handle drama better and learn to minimize the effect of drama in my life.
Eliminating drama from your life starts with you. You can’t stop other people from being dramatic or causing drama in your life, but you can control your reactions to this drama. You can make a choice about who you choose to spend time with and the conversations you participate in. Remember that drama is contagious. The more you hold onto drama, the more it can spread to the people around you. Much of the drama in our lives is created by ourselves and we have the power to eliminate it. If you don’t create drama, then drama doesn’t have to exist in your life. Below are some very effective ways to eliminate drama in your life.
1. Let go of unhealthy relationships. I understand firsthand how distressing it can be to let go of toxic people in your life. You may want to hold onto a friendship for various reasons but listen to your heart and take care of yourself. When someone is causing pain, drama and negativity in your life, you may find reasons on why you can’t let this person go, but find the strength within you to walk away. You will notice quickly how much easier and happier your life feels without a dramatic person bringing you down.
2. Stop judging others. Nobody is inferior or superior to you. Repeat that mantra to yourself every day because it’s the truth. It may be easy to analyse someone’s life, compare and believe this person doesn’t have a handle on their life and deserves hurtful words but the best thing you can do for yourself and the world, is say nothing at all. Learning to not judge others may not happen overnight, but as you allow yourself to relax and stop judging people over superficial things or differences of opinion, you will notice an amazing thing happen. You will notice that you can just see people as people, emphasize with their situation and pain, and instead of judging someone, finding ways to connect with them instead.
3. Stop making assumptions. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Try to focus on the positives instead of assuming the worst. People are imperfect and something that is upsetting right now is most likely a misunderstanding. A colleague who seems irritable today could be a result of a lack of sleep or a stressor happening in their personal life. A message that seemed curt and impolite could be a result of someone having a bad day or not having the time to write out a thoughtful reply. You can limit the drama in your life by just focusing on the positive and not assuming the worst.
4. Communicate authentically and openly. Much of the drama is probably a misunderstanding. If you feel hurt about something that happened, then now is the time to have a healthy, constructive and respectful conversation with that person. Now is not the time to be passive aggressive, hostile or go out of your way to avoid the person. These types of reactions to a situation create drama needlessly. I have a friend who had to organize an informal meeting with a co-worker he wasn’t getting along with. The meeting was to discuss their expectations, how to work better together and a communication structure that worked best for the both of them. There was no blaming, hurt feelings or disrespect. The meeting was purely just to understand the best way to move forward. The same logic works in your personal relationships too. A friend of mine seemed to not be replying as much, rejecting invites and had dropped off the map. I simply sent her a message saying I hope she’s okay and that I missed her. She called me straight away and told me she was dealing with some personal stuff and apologized if it came off the wrong way. All has been good in our friendship.
5. Work to accept life as is. Drama is a distraction from the present. Drama can come from a need to want to control your life. You might want to be the victim in your world and blame your boss, ex-partner, family and other people or situations for why life isn’t going the way you think it should. You might be worrying about the future or focusing on the mistakes of the past. Not accepting your life as is could be a huge reason on why there is too much drama in your life right. Embrace what is happening in your life right now. There are wonderful things in your life that you can appreciate so recognize those things and find the beauty in your life as it is right now.
6. Change your interpretation of what drama is. Sometimes friends need a good venting session or are really upset. Avoiding loved ones because you don’t want to deal with the occasional bouts of venting is probably not going to improve your relationships. Everyone goes through rough phases in life and sometimes just needs a friend to listen and emphasize. Make sure that you aren’t labelling something as drama when it’s a sign that someone just needs you to be there as a friend. You don’t need to participate in the drama but you can be a good friend when someone needs you to be.
7. Focus on the goodness in the universe. Things will get better. You can love and there are people out there who love you. The world is full of beautiful and wonderful things. Work to re-frame your thoughts to focus on the good things happening around you. Filter out those negative thoughts so you can put all your energy into leading a happier life. This process doesn’t happen immediately but as you focus your thoughts on the positive each day, you will realize that there is so much love and beauty at your fingertips.
8. Don’t participate in drama. You might be around people who love participating in drama and want to involve you in their self-pity or judgmental remarks about others. You don’t always have to avoid these people and sometimes you can’t due to work or school priorities. What you can do is get in the habit of not participating in drama. It’s easier than you might think it is. You can listen to someone but get in the habit of not saying anything bad. You can find calming techniques that work for you and walk away when the situation is too much. For instance, I know someone who regularly talks down about someone and likes to gossip about this person and cut them down as much as possible. My best response is listening, but not giving any feedback or saying that I feel this person is being too harsh. When things get too overwhelming, I walk away or quickly change the subject. You don’t need to react to the drama around you. Instead, just listen and walk away when you need to.
9. Embrace the opportunity to learn and grow from drama. One thing I’ve noticed is that as I dealt with drama and learned from those experiences, I’ve found ways to better handle the drama. It’s okay if you used to be dramatic, argumentative and loved to gossip about others in the past. What matters the most is how you have grown as a person since that time. What lessons have you learned from those experiences? How have you let go of drama in your life? What would you do differently if you had to relive that situation again?
Drama doesn’t do any good for your life. It may be entertaining for a few moments but your life will be far happier without unnecessary conflicts and arguments. If you feel like your life is consumed by drama then it’s important to take a step back and see how you are allowing drama. Remember that you are the one in control of your own actions. You may not be able to control how dramatic people are around you, but you can make the choice on how you choose to respond to that drama. Part of growing as a person is realizing when you must let go, stop fighting and quietly walk away.