Recently I was discussing the sense of entitlement many of us can feel and how toxic and damaging that has been for our self-worth and overall happiness.
I know quite a few people who feel entitled to things that they perceive as not happening in their lives. Some people feel they are entitled to find a job that adds to their happiness and pays well. Other people feel that they deserve something better in their careers or personal lives because of all the hard work they put into something.
Other people believe they should find the right person just because they want to. Some people work hard while others simply expect something great to fall into their laps.
This sense of entitlement happens to everyone at some stage. Some of us get over it and move on, while others can hold onto this feeling of entitlement for years.
Some of us are absolutely happy with our lives. We have an amazing partner, a job we enjoy, make a comfortable salary and have the opportunity for other luxuries in our life but still crave for something more. And why? Because we believe we are entitled to more and more.
Now I’m not saying you don’t deserve good things to happen to you or can’t be excited about the possibility of something happening. But entitlement is more about feeling like the world owes you something, rather than being happy with your own accomplishments, seeing your own value and finding peace within your life.
Entitlement is focused completely on yourself and ignores the people around you. For instance, I had a colleague from a prior job vent to me about how he had not received a promotion. I could understand his anger and frustration at dedicating his time and energy into obtaining a promotion and failing to get it. However, he continued to say that the person who received the promotion, didn’t deserve it.
His sense of entitlement was focused completely around how he felt, rather than realizing that yes, he did do hard work, but perhaps this other person worked harder too and was a slightly better match for the promotion.
His sense of entitlement also kept him blinded from the opportunities around him. Instead of feeling entitled to have a promotion at that company, he could focus on applying for jobs elsewhere.
So you may be wondering why should you care? Why can’t you just be angry at the world for not granting you what you believe you deserve? Below are some reasons that entitlement is harmful for you.
Entitlement gets you nowhere. There is absolutely no benefit to your life by feeling entitled. Yes, maybe you worked very hard and can definitely qualify for a great job in your career. Yes, maybe you are an amazing person and will find the right person some day. All these things are true, but holding onto that sense of entitlement will add no benefit to your life.
Instead entitlement keeps you stuck in the exact same place. You might even hurt your chances in the future. Being angry about why you are still single, while your friends are in relationships can send out a negative vibe that hurts your chances at meeting someone in the future. This vibe can change how you come across on dates and may even create some distance between you and your friends.
Being unprofessional at work because you were hurt by a lack of a promotion or raise, will only make things more difficult for you. Instead you could focus on learning a new skill, being involved in additional projects at work or networking.
Focusing on getting this one job, may make you blind to better opportunities out there. You may get to exactly where you want to be, by taking a different pathway to getting there.
Entitlement does nothing to benefit you and at worse, can hurt your chances.
You are stuck in a trap that keeps your expectations continuously unfulfilled. Instead of valuing and appreciating what you do have, you are always looking for something better out there.
This grass is greener syndrome can happen pretty much anywhere. You land a great job, that pays well, has opportunities for growth, flexibility and you are really excited. But then things start to feel normal and the job feels boring at times. Sometimes you work on exciting projects and other times you don’t.
Instead, you look for another job, which isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s time for you to move on, especially when a job isn’t a great fit anymore, but other times you might be chasing after something that isn’t realistic. All jobs will have their good and bad times.
This can happen in relationships too. You might be in a long-term relationship or marriage with someone that overall is a happy, loving and committed relationship. But as the excitement lessens, you might start to wonder if there is a better match out there for you. Instead of nurturing your relationship, you look for someone you perceive as better and end something great to pursue something else. This cycle is often never ending as every relationship requires care, effort and commitment to work in the long-run.
Entitlement will leave you feeling empty. The world could grant you everything you desire, and the feeling of entitlement will keep you wanting more and more. As a result, your life won’t feel peaceful and there will always be this void.
You won’t make it as far as you want feeling entitled. The truth is, that whatever your goals are in life, entitlement doesn’t do anything to get you there. How is your sense of entitlement going to help you reach your goals? How is feeling entitled going to attract the right person for you or make you more money?
However, being humble, grounded, realistic and grateful will keep you in a place where you are constantly learning, working hard and smart, helping others and being open to the opportunities around you. Eventually, the right things will happen in their own time.
Entitlement feeds you this false idea that you are better than most people. As a result, you look for flaws in other people and wonder how they got something that you haven’t yet. You list people as undeserving as something you want based on your own judgments.
The moment you see someone doing something interesting, cool or amazing, you focus on how you are better and could one up them if you tried.
There are many problems with believing you are better than others, but a huge one, is that you disconnect yourself from other people by feeling entitled. People can often pick up on the fact that you think you are better than them which may leave them less open to being your friend, recommending you to a job, treating you respectfully or doing you any favors.
I know someone who seems like they feel entitled to various things in life. It took me awhile to see that side of him but eventually I started feeling a sense of competition and jealousy whenever I achieved something important in my life. Eventually, I distanced myself from this person because I had a feeling that he felt he was better than me and deserved more out of life. It made it difficult to be friends with someone who believed he was better than me for whatever reason.
Entitlement feeds you a false belief that you are better than most people and as a result, you deserve the best job, the most money, the most attractive partner and so forth. Holding onto this sense of entitlement can burn bridges and make it hard for others to want to be around you.
Entitlement devalues your own sense of worth and accomplishments. When you feel entitled, you tend to be a little blind to why you are doing something. Instead of finding happiness in your accomplishments, you are waiting for someone else to notice and give you recognition.
I write a ton for this site and it doesn’t bring me millions of visitors or generate much revenue but I still write for this website regularly. I do so because it adds value to my life and brings me joy. I also am happy if something I write is able to help even one person in the world. In that sense, anything I write is worth being put out there regardless if I ever receive any recognition for the work I put into this site.
There are many amazing things we can accomplish in life that don’t require there to be recognition. Entitlement makes you unnecessarily focused on needing someone in the world to value and appreciate what you are doing. Instead of focusing on being happy within your own life, you are looking for approval from others that your life is meaningful.
There will be times where people take notice and appreciate what you do, which is great when it happens, but in general you should focus on if what you are doing makes you happy. Are you happy with your actions? Are you living your life authentically? Do your actions align with your values? How can you be happy with yourself regardless of what others think and feel?
Entitlement keeps you further away from the things and people that truly bring happiness and value into your own life. Acknowledge when you feel entitled and try to move on.
The feeling of entitlement can happen at any time and to anyone. You may not be able to fully escape feelings of entitlement but you can work to control those feelings so that you can move past your sense of entitlement. Practice the below steps to help get rid of your feelings of entitlement.
1. Be grateful. Take time to appreciate everything you have and all the people who have been there for you along the way. Take this a step further and be grateful for everything around you including nature, being alive and all the little things that make your day peaceful and joyous.
Life may not always be perfect, going great and can sometimes be difficult but there are always things to be appreciative about. Share your gratefulness with others by saying thank you, returning the favor or paying it forward.
2. Be humble. Focus less on yourself, and more on other people. Entitlement keeps you stuck in a bubble directed at your own wants and desires. Work against these feelings of entitlement by spending more time focusing on others.
Ask questions about the people around you. Learn something from other people and appreciate the knowledge and experience that they can share with you. Do kind acts for others and not expect much in return.
3. Remember, there is always room for growth, change and improvement. You may feel perfect and ready right now, but often times we aren’t the best judge of ourselves. If opportunities aren’t coming to you like you imagined, then don’t worry too much. This is a sign that you still have more work to do or the timing just isn’t right yet.
In the meantime, focus on building more experience and developing yourself into a more improved version of yourself. As you continue to grow, you’ll see that you are still making progress and there will be other opportunities for you.
4. Be happy with who you are. Focus on loving yourself and valuing what you do have. Yes, you aren’t perfect and yes things in your life may not be perfect. Yes, there are other experiences, opportunities and joyous memories awaiting you. But that’s all in the future.
Enjoy the present moment. Love your partner, friends and family. Appreciate the small steps that you must take to reach that next milestone. Always check in with yourself and see if you are finding value and happiness with your actions and in your own life.