Twenties is a fun and adventurous decade of life. It’s the time in your life where you are faced with being an adult, making your first decisions about what to study or where to work and changing your lifestyle. If I could go back in time and tell the 20-year-old version of myself a few things, here is what I would share.
1. Prioritize your health. Right now! Health should be one of your highest priorities, if not priority number one. Prioritizing your health doesn’t mean short cuts, quick fixes, a number on a scale or fad diets. Making your health a priority is simply creating a healthy lifestyle. When I was younger I made mistakes such as following diets, doing too much cardio too soon and making exercise seem like a chore rather than something fun. Find exercise that is fun for you. For me, I love hiking, walking, running up outdoor staircases, running in general and the occasional cardio class. For my boyfriend it’s strength training, squash, tennis and martial arts. For my friend, it’s regular high intensity cardio classes or for another friend it’s daily yoga. Do something you genuinely enjoy and you will find exercise is much easier to do. Rather than forcing yourself to love something you hate, start with making exercise fun for you. There are a range of activities you can do to get your body fit, so pick one that works with you and go from there. The same logic goes for eating healthy. Learn to cook your own meals so that you have more control over what you eat. Be creative with your meals and find meals that taste amazing but are still nutritious and healthy. Your health is a lifetime priority so start now by making being healthy actually fun for you!
2. It’s never too early to start thinking about financial independence. One mistake I made early on was not realizing how important it was to plan for my retirement, investments and paying off school loans. Fortunately, I figured it out and am on a path to establishing a financially healthy life. But starting as early as possible is best. You make the best return of investments the earlier you start, so even if you are 20, try putting aside money to invest. Don’t worry, you don’t have to sacrifice having fun, enjoying life and exploring the world because you are prioritizing your financial independence.
3. Smile more. Good things happen to everyone and so do bad things as well. It’s important to not let the little things bother you to the point where you can’t smile and find joy in your day. Embrace the opportunity to smile and find something to be happy about each day. You will never regret a life that you fill with joy, laughter, love and smiles.
4. Don’t place limitations on what you think you can do. Your twenties are an excellent time to explore. Why tell yourself that you can’t do something when you never gave it a try? If you feel inspired to write a book, then go for it. Try to start your own business. Learn a new skill. Try to run the marathon you thought was out of reach. You can explore and try new things at any point in your life, but during your twenties you likely have the freest time and least risk to do so. Instead of telling yourself that you cannot do something, instead, just give it a solid try. You will definitely surprise yourself with your strength, courage and your ability to grow and become a better version of yourself.
5. You are always growing and changing. If I had a conversation with the 20-year-old version of myself, we would have different views on the world and what we want out of life. Some things have remained the same but my goals, aspirations and general ideas about life have matured and evolved. Don’t resist these changes. Instead, embrace the changes happening to you. Your twenties are a time of discovery and you are still figuring out what you want out of life. These changes don’t just stop in your twenties either, so be prepared for a lifetime of self-discovery and growth.
6. Experiment with things you want out of life, rather than committing to an idea just because you feel like you should. One thing I’ve realized over the years is that committing to a career, idea or even a location in your twenties can sometimes lead you down a path that you don’t really want to go. You might feel pressured to pursue a career and make choices right away. However, use this time to experiment and figure out what you want out of life. This is your life so don’t force yourself to stick to a path just because you believe that’s what you should do. Try different things. Explore different passions, hobbies and interests. Make friends with different people. Try living or visiting different cities.
7. Let go of people no matter how much you care. During my early and mid-twenties, I allowed myself to be involved with drama and people who weren’t friends to me for far too long. Because I cared about these people and hoped that things could improve in our friendship, I stuck with these people and placed way too much energy into trying to save a one-sided friendship. You will always encounter people who take your friendship for granted or who don’t appreciate you. You will probably date a few people who play games, aren’t looking for something serious with you or are willing to string you along. The best thing you can do in these situations is to let these people go. People who truly value your friendship will stick around. Have faith that you deserve supportive and loving people in your life. When you work on believing that you should have a strong support network, you can more easily cut off any loose ends. The same goes for your dating life. You will attract more compatible people in your life when you can walk away from the people who don’t take your relationship seriously or don’t treat you well.
8. Don’t take your loved ones for granted. Twenties is a decade where it can be easy to let go of friendships or stop staying in touch with your family. Your career and studies might end up seeming like more of a priority, but these things should never be a higher priority than spending time with your loved ones. Life can get busy and things do change, but that doesn’t mean you must neglect your loved ones because of those changes. Stay in touch with your friends. Organize weekly or monthly catch ups with your friends and keep nurturing that connection. Give your parents a call and stay in touch. Visit your family when you can.
9. Don’t worry about self-imposed timelines because they don’t matter as much as you think they do. When I was 20, I was far too focused on finishing up my Bachelor’s degree by 21. Now, I barely even remember that I have a Bachelor’s degree. When I was 23, I thought far too much about what I wanted to do in my career and felt like I had to figure it out right away, otherwise I was making a huge mistake. Now, I realize that our journeys change periodically over our lives. Enjoying the journey along the way and being open to learning new skills and job opportunities is important. When I was 20, I honestly thought I would be ready for marriage by my mid-20s and children by my late-20s. Although those timings might work out better for another person, those timings don’t work for me and I’d rather wait to hold off on such commitments. My twenties were devoted to learning about myself, growing, embracing new experiences, nurturing quality relationships and having a great time. Having timelines for when things have to happen might be a good way to assess what your priorities are, but you shouldn’t judge yourself or feel like a failure because of these timelines. Just like many things in life, you need to be adaptable and allow yourself to deviate a bit from the plan.
10. There’s nothing wrong with being single. For much of my twenties, I was single. And I don’t regret that decision at all. I do wish I hadn’t been so worried about my relationship status and the fact that I hadn’t met anyone yet. Being single isn’t a reflection on how attractive or desirable I am as a person. If anything, that time being single allowed me to understand what I want out of a partner, work on being a better version of myself and to learn to have fun being by myself and with other loved ones. Enjoy being by yourself and the single life while you can.
11. Enjoy the present moment. You might find yourself worrying too much about the future and if you are making the right decisions for your future. It’s good to plan for your future but don’t allow yourself to become so focused on the future that you don’t enjoy the things happening right now. There are beautiful and wonderful things happening for you right now. Happiness is right in front of you, so make sure to take notice of it.
12. Step away from the computer sometimes. Technology is great but too much of being on the computer can prevent you from enjoying your social relationships, getting outside or finding other valuable ways to spend your time. It’s too easy to come home every day and spend countless hours browsing on the computer, watching shows and basically wasting time. There is more to life beyond what’s happening on your computer. Take daily breaks from technology so you can appreciate and enjoy what’s happening around you.
13. Slow down. It can be easy to fill every minute of our schedule. You might be busy with school, work, socializing with friends, catching up with family and spending time with your boyfriend. On top of that you are probably bombarded with notifications from your phone. There’s so much going on all the time but you don’t have to live your life like that. Learn to enjoy the moment and the times where you can reflect on life. A few years ago, I appreciated how important it was for me to turn off my phone and any other distractions and meditate and reflect on my life. Being busy can be fun at times but too much of filling up your time, distracts you from paying attention to how you want to live your life.
14. Don’t compare yourself to others. Your journey is your own. Your life will look much differently to everyone else because you have different goals, ambitions, values and things that make you happy in life. Also, you don’t know what someone else has been through or what they are dealing with. To you someone’s life may look easy, happy and carefree but just like many people, their life has had its shares of challenges, struggles and pain. Comparing your life is a pointless endeavour so focus on what you can control, your own life.
15. Never give up, even when it feels hopeless. You have not yet realized how strong you are. When faced with an obstacle or something that seems impossible, it can be tempting to give up and think that you just can’t do it. Twenties can be hard because you may not have enough experience to know that you will be okay if you keep trying, learning from your failures and being open to opportunities. Your life isn’t over because you failed, made a mistake or when things don’t work out as you hoped they would. Pick yourself up and keep moving forward. Take steps and see what happens. You become stronger, wiser, smarter and more exceptional when you keep going even when you want to give up.
16. Never settle for a bad relationship. Some of us will come across a romantic relationship where it’s just toxic. Yet, regardless of how bad things have gone in the relationship you might stick it out. You might stay because you still love the person and believe that things can get better. Or you might stay because you are worried you will never meet someone that you can love again. Maybe this is your first love and you just cannot imagine having these feelings for anyone else. However you feel right now, be strong enough to walk away from a relationship that is hurting you. Walking away may be the hardest thing for you to do right now but if someone is a toxic person in your life, then this is not true love. Say goodbye and walk away. Allow yourself time to heal from the pain and grow. One day you will meet that person who makes life so much more amazing and who is the right match for you. Wait for that person rather than settle for a relationship that hurts you.
17. Be patient. Life has an odd way of working things out. Something you might think will take ages could take a much shorter amount of time than you anticipate. Other things that you think might be a simple process, could take much longer than you expect. Your twenties are a time when you realize that learning to be patient is a must. There were so many times in my life where I allowed my impatience to make a process harder than it needed to be. Work on letting go of things outside your control and be patient.
18. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. It’s inevitable that no matter what stage you are at in life, you will make mistakes. In my twenties, I made mistakes, handled some situations poorly or didn’t think things through as much as I should have. Nobody is perfect and it’s okay if you make mistakes. What’s most important is that you learn from those mistakes and grow as a person. Allow yourself to let go of the pain and forgive yourself.
19. Surround yourself with real friends. Twenties is probably one of the first times you will make friends as an adult. You aren’t brought together with these friends through family or school. Instead you get to choose your friends. Life is too short to surround yourself with superficial friendships and acquaintances. Don’t spend time being around friends that don’t bring out the best in you, aren’t reliable, gossip too much or won’t be there for you when you need them. Find and make real, genuine friends who appreciate who you are as a person and are there for you when you need them.
20. Don’t take on another person’s responsibility. I used to struggle with allowing myself to try too much to help others. I’d see a friend struggling and would badly want to help. My feelings came from a genuine place but allowing myself to take on someone’s responsibility made my life harder and didn’t do much good for my loved ones. For instance, I used to have a friend who would always call me for advice about their job, relationships and so forth. My friend began to rely on me to basically help them make decisions. Eventually I realized my help was creating a bit of a dependency. My friend wasn’t dealing with her problems head on and she lacked the confidence to decide on the best way forward. She needed me to basically tell her she was making the right decision, and whenever something didn’t work out, it became partially my fault. Learn the balance between helping and taking on responsibility that is not yours to take. There is a way that you can be supportive, give advice and be helpful without taking on unnecessary responsibility.
21. Keep doing things outside your comfort zone. When you get comfortable in anything whether that’s a job, relationship or how you spend your daily life, then continue to do things that excite and spark your curiosity. Try to avoid getting into a mundane habit of doing the same thing every day. Push the boundaries of your comfort zone whether that’s going an exciting date with your partner, taking on a challenging project at work, learning a new skill or backpacking overseas.
22. Learning doesn’t stop when school ends. Something I realized in the last several years is the importance to keep learning. As a child and throughout college you might associate learning new skills with being at school or enrolled in a university. Fortunately, learning can happen anywhere and at any time. You don’t even have to pay large amounts of money to learn a new skill or stay informed on a topic important to you. If you want to learn a new language, then there are many free resources available for you to learn that language. You could attend social language groups or attend a class at your local community college. If you want to learn a new skill to change careers or move forward in your career, then there are free online courses available from a variety of universities or you can check out a book at your local library. Learning doesn’t and shouldn’t stop once you graduate. Keep learning new things no matter what age you are.
23. Let go of entitlement. Life isn’t easy and it never will be easy. Make your life easier by letting go of the belief that you are entitled to anything or are a victim of your circumstances. You are not a victim and you are not entitled to anything in this life. Remember that everything worthwhile takes a strong work ethic and will be a painful and rewarding journey along the way. If you aren’t happy with how things are going for you right now, then remember you are in control of your actions and thoughts.
24. You will feel lost and that’s okay. The one commonality I’ve noticed with my peers is that many, many people feel lost. All of us at some point or another have doubts if we have made the right choice in our lives. It’s normal for you to realize that the career you thought you wanted isn’t something you like at all. It’s okay if you graduated college and had to go into a low-paying job unrelated to your field just to pay the bills. It’s okay if you made some poor relationship choices and now need to start over and form new friends and work on your self-confidence. And it’s okay if you had a tough time getting your life together and maybe feel like you wasted a few years trying to figure it out. Feeling lost is part of being in your twenties. This isn’t a fun phase but one that many, if not all of us, go through at some stage in our lives. You are not alone and you will figure things out. Feeling lost is part of the journey to figuring things out and finding the right path for you.
25. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you make. You will make mistakes. I did many stupid things in my twenties. I said things at very inappropriate times, didn’t apologize when I should have, stayed in a horrible relationship far too long, didn’t embrace some opportunities that could have positively changed my life and the list goes on. Mistakes are part of the package of life and we all make them. What is important is that you learn from these mistakes and grow in the process. Don’t allow yourself to feel guilt and pain forever because of the mistakes you made. Forgive yourself and let go of the negative energy so that you can heal and move forward. Good things can come from your mistakes. Just keep learning from your mistakes and remember that you are in control and you can make a different decision the next time around.
26. Learn to communicate well with others. If I could go back in time, I would have given myself a lesson in communication. I didn’t handle some situations well mainly by the way I communicated. There were times when I was passive aggressive towards other people because I was so afraid to speak my mind and be upfront about what I wanted. There were other times where I felt like I went way overboard on how much I communicated. Instead of taking my time, practicing patience and figuring out what I wanted to say, I’d say pretty much everything that was on my mind which usually leads to misunderstandings and unnecessary negativity. Learning to communicate well with others may require a lifetime but you should start as early as possible. Not being afraid to speak your mind, communicating your needs and learning how to have healthy and constructive conversations will only improve your relationships with others.
27. Take care of yourself. Self-love is extremely important, and instilling the habit of taking care of yourself from the beginning is important. Recognize that you need to take care of yourself to maintain a happy and peaceful life. When you feel overwhelmed with your current tasks, say no to taking on additional work. Ask for help and support when you need it. Take a break sometimes. Prioritize getting good amounts of rest and sleep. Treat yourself to something you enjoy every now and then.
28. Never view your twenties as the one time for you to do anything. Many people mistakenly believe that your twenties is the best time to have fun, travel, go to university and so forth. As a result, some people will mistakenly believe that if they didn’t do something in their twenties, that they missed their opportunity. That is not true at all. The fun only stops in your twenties, if you allow it to stop in your twenties. People travel around the world at any age. You can party at a concert well beyond your twenties if you want to. You can finish writing that book at any age. The business idea you never pursued in your twenties, is one you can pursue right now. Life does not end at the age of 30 and beyond nor should it. You can have even more fun beyond your twenties if you want to. Life is meant to be enjoyed so keep having fun no matter how old you are.
29. Love yourself. Your twenties might be a time when you feel inadequate, insecure and want to highlight all your flaws and weaknesses rather than notice your strengths. Life is far too short to spend so much energy and time focusing on negative thoughts and incorrect beliefs about yourself. Remember, you are enough. Your opinions are important. Believe in yourself and your ideas. Be confident that you can handle the obstacles life throws at you, because you can and you will become a better and stronger person as a result.