Letting go of someone is incredibly difficult. Even when you dislike someone and realize the relationship has become nothing but toxic, you might struggle to let someone go. However, there will be times in life where you need to let go of someone that you deeply love. Letting go of someone you love with all your heart may be the hardest thing you have ever had to do even though you know it’s necessary for you to move forward. Below are some situations where you need to let go of someone you love.
- You might need to let go of a family member such as a parent or child. Perhaps your family member has developed an unhealthy addiction and although you have done everything possible that you could to help this person, they have continued to let the drugs and addiction control and ruin their life. The best thing you can do at this point after trying everything that you could, is to let them go.
- You and your ex-partner have recently divorced or broken up. You wanted the relationship to continue and gave it your all but for one reason or another, your ex-partner was not willing to make the relationship work. Even though you are still in love with your past partner, you need to let them go so you can move forward.
- A close friendship has become toxic. Maybe the signs were always there or the friendship suddenly became toxic. You need to let this friendship go to be healthy and happy again, but it’s tough with so much shared history, memories and the hope that maybe the friendship can be healthy one day.
- Someone you love has recently passed away. You grieve their loss every day and cannot imagine your life without their presence. It feels impossible to move forward without your loved one in your life.
Below are some ways to let go of someone you deeply love.
Give yourself time. Be patient with your feelings and accept that letting go of someone you love will be easier with time. Even if you love this person after years have passed, you will realize that it’s much easier to let them go, live your life and make new memories and experiences with other loved ones. You will always love your family member, but even with time you will realize that you are doing the best thing for yourself and the other person by letting them go. You will be able to live your life and be healthy and happy without a toxic influence in your life. The same can be said for other relationships or even in the case of a death. You may always love the person who passed away and they may always have a permanent place in your heart, but time will make it easier to let go and move forward in your life. Don’t let anyone dictate how much time you need for healing. Give yourself as much healing time as you need to move forward.
Meet new people and make new friends. What will help you cope with letting go of someone you love is by making new friends. Don’t look for friendships with the intention of trying to replace or help yourself forget the person you love. Instead just focus on meeting new people and building strong emotional connections with others. Eventually you will realize that it’s much easier to let someone go when you are having fun with other people and making new memories. In the case of letting someone go that you romantically love, you might even meet someone compatible and amazing in the process of meeting someone new. Again, don’t go into the process of meeting new people by searching for someone to be your new partner, best friend or whomever. Instead, meet new people just to enjoy yourself, form new connections with others and get yourself out there. You will realize that the process of letting someone go is a little easier as you make new friendships.
Appreciate the good times and remember the toxic times. Every relationship has their share of good times and bad times. The relationship would never have existed if there weren’t great memories in the beginning. When dealing with a death of a loved one, break up or letting go of a relationship that is hurting us, it’s important to view the relationship honestly. There were great memories and there was pain as well. There were also times in between where everything was just okay. It’s important to identify these experiences so that you can see how your life has changed because of this person and any elements that were harmful for you. The point of remembering all these moments is so that you have an honest understanding of your relationship. Instead of idealizing the relationship or living in a fantasy, you can be realistic about how the relationship was.
Be clear on why you must let this person go. Make a list if you need to so that you can always remind yourself of why it’s important you let this person go right now. You might notice that as time goes on, you might focus on the past and try to focus on the parts you miss about a person. You might even convince yourself that a toxic relationship is good for you by focusing on all the great memories. All relationships, including unhealthy ones, have good memories. It’s important to keep a reminder of why you need to let this person go so that you don’t allow the positive memories to keep you away from reality.
In the case of a break up, you might need to remind yourself of why the relationship was incompatible or how this would never have worked out in the long-term. For instance, if you broke up because your boyfriend never made time for you and prioritized everything else above you, is this really a relationship that would have survived for months or years to come? Probably not. The same logic goes for toxic family members or friends. If your brother has gotten into the habit of always begging you for money, a place to crash and constantly needing your support, then things cannot continue this way. Until your family member changes or respects your boundaries, the relationship will always be toxic. With toxic relationships, you might need to remind yourself of all the negative impacts this relationship had on your mental and physical health. Even with the death of a loved one, you need to remember that you must move forward and enjoy your life. Your loved one would have wanted you to move on and be happy. Be clear with why you need to move on so that even when it’s difficult to let someone go, you know you are making the right decision for yourself.
Limit or end contact with the person that you need to let go of. Letting go of someone you love means that you need to limit the contact with this person. How much you allow yourself to contact this person depends on the relationship, the situation and what you personally can handle. A person going through a rough break up may choose to cut all contact with their ex-partner by not seeing or talking to their ex and unfollowing them on all social media accounts. When dealing with a toxic family member, you might choose to limit contact to holidays, emails or phone calls and creating strict boundaries with this person. In the case of a death, when you are ready, you might choose to put away photos that remind you of this person and any other items that continually remind you of the loss.
Forgive so that you can let go of the past and live in peace. Sometimes you might be tempted to hold onto your anger and bitterness against a person. This person may have hurt you and it feels like forgiving them of what they did, is allowing them to get away with their actions. However, holding onto anger only allows this person to control your emotions, even if they are not presently in your life. When you finally forgive and let go of the negative feelings, you allow yourself to move forward and not invest anymore energy or thoughts into the person who caused you pain. Everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. It’s best for you to acknowledge the pain they caused through their mistakes and let go, and move forward.
Monitor how your reactions change as time goes on. Right now, what would happen if you go to a place you used to frequently visit with your loved one? What would happen if you heard her name randomly? What if you saw a status update on social media appear about him or saw him randomly in your area? When you haven’t let someone go, you might feel panicked, depressed or overwhelmed with thoughts when you are reminded of this person. As time goes on and as your heart heals, you will notice that it will be easier to revisit the places that remind you of your loved one. You will be able to form new memories about the place that are unrelated to your loved one. Hearing their name won’t cause you to feel much of anything and even seeing them around occasionally or hearing about them won’t make you feel panicked and overwhelmed.
The love may always be there and that’s okay. Moving forward and letting go doesn’t always mean that you don’t love the person anymore. Personally, I still have love in my heart for people who are not currently in my life regardless of the reasons on why these relationships had to end. I can still love someone who used to be a close friend even if we don’t speak anymore due to imbalances in the friendship. I still love people who have died years ago and I will always love them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with still having love in your heart for a person. Our hearts have the capability to love people in different ways throughout different times in our lives. You will still have fond memories of that person regardless of what happens. Moving forward and meeting new people, forming new connections and growing to love other people doesn’t mean you must stop loving other people. It just means that love will evolve and change over time.
Know that even if a relationship ends and you have no choice but to move forward, to remember that this relationship has helped you grow as a person and served a purpose in your life. You will be okay and you will be able to move forward and let go someday. Stay strong!