Recently, I’ve been discussing the future and all the worries that go along with it with my friends. I love discussing the present state of the world and the possibilities of what could happen in the future, but sometimes focusing too much on what could happen can make myself and others feel like the future is bleak and hopeless. This applies not only to worldwide events but focusing too much on your specific future.
I have a couple of friends who worry about the future too much regardless of whether things are going well or badly in their life. Uncertainty about when your next job or meal will be, can create worries that make the situation more devastating. Finally landing that great job or finding a loving partner can bring worries about if the situation will last, and if you will find yourself jobless or single yet again.
Or like my friend you might focus on the problems of the world. Instead of seeing how things have progressed and what is going right, you focus on the negatives and all the ways things are not working out the way that you believe they should. Then, you worry about a future world where everything is terrifying. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to care about the state of the world but it’s also important to be realistic and not focus too much on the negatives or create worries that assume the worst-case scenario is the most likely to happen.
Worrying is something that as humans we are always going to do on some level. But trying to lessen your worries is an important practice to embrace. Below are some reasons why you should work to let go of your worries.
1. Worrying does absolutely nothing to change the situation. Think about the last time you worried about a situation and obsessed over everything. What was the result of such a situation? You probably just realized that you wasted your time.
Even if your worries came true or didn’t come true, worrying about the situation did little to change the situation. Imagine you were fearful about not getting a job and you worried over it for weeks, and then once you get offered the job, the worries completely disappear. What was the sense of all that worry and anxiety? What was the point?
2. Worrying can hurt your situation. If anything, worrying can make a situation worse. Because of fear you might talk yourself out of taking opportunities or act in certain ways that sabotage your situation. You might go into a job interview nervous and expecting the worst-case outcome, which can reflect in how you present yourself to future job employers.
You can be in a healthy and loving relationship but your fears about whether this relationship could last, could cause you to act out in negative ways. You might push your partner away, overanalyse the things she says or does or even try to prepare your heart for a heartbreak that may never happen. Instead of enjoying a great thing happening in your life, you are sabotaging a good relationship.
It’s human nature to worry so although you may not be able to completely stop worrying about everything, do take note that worrying too much can hurt your opportunities or the amazing things already happening in your life.
Every time you expend too much time worrying, you risk sabotaging your situation and making your situation worse than it needs to be.
3. Most of your worries will never happen. The great news is that many of your worries probably won’t come true. What did you worry about in the past? What happened and what didn’t? When you think about the worries that have plagued you for much of your life, you might realize that worries aren’t the best indicator of your future.
You might even struggle to find situations where you worried so much because everything turned out okay and you moved on. However, think back on your life and try to remember situations where you worried tremendously about something and everything turned out fine. Maybe you worried about never passing a class or graduating. Maybe you worried you would never have a boyfriend. Or maybe you thought you’d never find a job but you did.
The chances of your worries coming true are low. The other great news is that if the things you worried about do happen, then the situation usually is not as bad as you think it would be. I remember when I was applying to graduate schools and getting my applications together, I was constantly worried. I worried about not getting into the graduate schools I wanted, if I was making the worst decision of my life, if it was better to just go directly into the workforce or if I was a failure.
Turns out that I did get rejected from several graduate schools. I survived that experience and took a job in my hometown to save some money. I later applied for graduate school in an area that I wasn’t primarily considering and everything worked out great. I got into that graduate school, with my tuition fully covered by the school and a work stipend that gave me enough money to pay my bills. Things did not turn out like I expected and my worries did come true, but my life turned out for the better because of it.
Going to a graduate school that wasn’t first on my priority list set me up for great career prospects and gave me tremendous experience. Even though my worries had come true, everything worked out great.
4. Uncertainty is part of life. You can’t escape the unknown. You will never know when the next job opportunity will come, the next great love or when things will feel right. There is always a chance that the things that are valuable to you can be taken away. No amount of preparation or worrying can make you prepared for such a moment.
I know in my life, when things happen it’s unexpected and a complete surprise. When I first moved to Texas, I had started my first job out of graduate school and just signed a year lease on a new apartment. Everything seemed to be going great, but things quickly took a turn. My contract for a job ended earlier than anticipated, leaving me unemployed and quickly looking for the next job opportunity. Also, a week later my apartment caught fire. A tenant living in the unit next to me had started the fire and part of my property was damaged.
As terrible as this time was, everything worked out fine. I kept applying to jobs and eventually found a job. The damages from the fire were covered by the tenant who started the fire. The property manager also let me temporarily stay in a unit nearby until my place was safe enough to live in. I could never have predicted these events but it happened, and everything turned out fine.
Just like you have no idea when something you are worried about may happen, there are other amazing things in store for you that will happen unexpectedly and strike you when you least expect it.
Instead of being fearful of this uncertainty, trust in the moments to come. Even when things happen that you don’t expect, trust that you have the strength to get through whatever happens.
5. Work on staying in the present. Living in the moment is easier said than done but there are a few things you can do to help you stay focused on the present.
Exercise is an excellent way to stay in the present. When I was plagued with worries about whether my Australian permanent residency would be granted, I went on a long run. After just a few minutes, I could focus on my breathing and what I was doing in the moment. I felt focused immediately and the effects of exercise lasted throughout the day.
Another tactic that works is practicing meditation. Find the right meditation that works for you but a good start is working to accept your thoughts. Negative thoughts only intensify your worries and make you feel more anxious about the future. When you focus on acceptance, you make space for your thoughts and feelings rather than giving power to negative thoughts.
Sticking to a routine of meditation will help dramatically reduce those worries. Meditation may work immediately but the best results happen with consistency. Take time each day, even if it is just a few minutes, to mediate.
6. Vent your worries with friends. A trusted loved one can often be the thing you need to stop the worries.
Whenever I am battling with worries, I tend to talk to a couple of people in my life, including my partner. Between my partner and my friends, I get their objective opinions and their knowledge that everything will be okay. Even if worse-case scenario did happen, my loved ones remind me of how everything will still be okay and that I’m in control.
Even just the act of venting and having someone listen to you is sometimes enough to help keep your worries away. You might notice that even after a few minutes of talking about your problems and your fears, that you realize everything will be okay and how unlikely your worries truly are.
If you don’t have someone to vent to right now, that’s okay too. During a few periods in my life, I frequented online forums where I could write down my worries and people would comment and provide their support. This helped tremendously when I was having worries that I didn’t feel comfortable being vulnerable about with friends.
You can also try journaling your worries as well. The act of writing down your worries can be cathartic and help relieve your mind from the worries. Plus, you can always refer to your journal when you need clarity or a reminder of how many of your worries never came true.
7. Be realistic about your worries. Much of the time your worst-case scenarios are unrealistic and unlikely to happen. Our minds can get carried away and focus on scenarios that end in disaster.
Take a moment to think clearly about the situation. How likely would this happen? What are the chances things would turn out in such a negative way?
I had a friend who quit her job to pursue a business idea and was dreading but also excited about the opportunity. Her main worries were what would happen once she decided to quit. Would her manager be unsupportive and upset at her? Was she taking a huge financial risk by quitting her job to pursue a business?
Eventually she found the strength to pursue her dreams and quit. When I asked her how everything went, she said with relief that everything turned out better than she imagined. Her manager understood and asked if she could work part-time for her. My friend said she was happy to work part-time but after a couple of months so that she could focus on her business.
Everything turned out okay. Turns out that her worries weren’t realistic because she had a good relationship with her manager. She also had a job where they were happy to accommodate part-time work. Even if she couldn’t keep her job, I’m sure she would have found a job again if things with the business didn’t work out.
Take some time to work through your worries and find clarity in your situation. Our minds tend to create elaborate and unlikely scenarios. There are more scenarios that could happen other than the worst-case scenario.
8. Take steps to help your situation. A great way to deal with your worries is to take steps, no matter how small, to help improve your situation.
When worried about getting my permanent residency, I took small steps to help me even if my visa didn’t get approved. I researched alternative ways to achieve residency or stay in Australia that might work for me. I set aside savings each money in case I had to fly back home or pay for another visa. Taking these steps helped me deal with the unlikely chance that my worries might come true. I was working on my backup plan.
When stressed about your job you can work to improve your resume or cover letter or aim to apply to one job a day. When worried about being able to afford something, you can take small steps today such as saving a bit more money to prepare for an emergency. You can always work to improve yourself when worried about repeating past mistakes that harmed relationships in the past.
What can you do today to help improve your situation? How can you protect yourself if the worst-case scenario happens? Doing small things to help you in case something bad does happen helps you deal with your worries. You show yourself that you are strong enough to manage whatever comes your way and that you will be alright.
You may not always know where to go from here but understanding the power of your worries and how to tackle those negative thoughts will help you step in the right direction. Remember to challenge those fears and worries. Instead of feeling like your worries are a predictor of your future, focus on the fact that you can control your actions today and that nothing is certain.
Trust and believe in yourself. Today do your best and accept that this is the best you can do today. Trust in yourself and the world around us.