The concept of love can be difficult to grasp and understand. All of us crave love. We desire to be loved by someone and to share our love with others, but love can be difficult to grasp. The idea of a soulmate has evolved from that desire of wanting to find another person who truly connects with us, shakes us to our core, forever changes our lives and is the one that will stand by us through the wonderful and tough times of life. Some of us are on a lifelong pursuit for the soulmate. We question where this soulmate is, how to recognize the soulmate and if we will even find our soulmate within our lifetimes. The idea of a soulmate can have us chasing for a person that may not even exist or dismissing great relationships for an illusion of something greater. A soulmate can also be a convenient yet ineffective belief that allows us to prioritize taking care of our relationships over taking care of ourselves.
1. A soulmate is someone you will be with forever. Soulmates can exist within a friendship, family member, and romantic partner and within you. Soulmate connections aren’t exclusive to just romantic connections. You might even find that your soulmate is someone you used to be in a relationship with, your sister or a friend who has turned into a romantic partner. A soulmate isn’t guaranteed to be someone you end up with forever. This applies to both friendships and romantic relationships. Although you and this person may connect, truly understand each other and seem to share the same souls, sometimes this person is not someone who will remain in your life forever. A soulmate can also be many people. There are many people you will make amazing connections with throughout a lifetime which is amazing. Your soulmates might be your husband, your childhood friend, a co-worker or even a person you randomly meet tomorrow. Limiting yourself to the idea of one soulmate may encourage you to stay in very toxic relationships or feel like you are settling for someone who doesn’t necessary connect or make you see fireworks straight away.
2. A relationship with your soulmate is always easy. Nothing is further than the truth. Soulmate relationships can consist of fighting and other factors that make the relationship far from easy. Each person comes into a relationship with their own strengths, flaws, barriers to overcome and work through. A relationship shouldn’t be tossed aside just because things get tough or dull. Often times when people begin to feel pain or discomfort they start to ponder if they should be in a relationship with this person. The right person seems like someone where things should be easy and painless. However, pain comes from within us and our own unresolved issues will impact any relationship, no matter how healthy that relationship is. A relationship, soulmate or not, requires work, dedication and the choice to love the person that we are with. For your love to grow, you both need to have commitment to love and grow with each other.
3. Your soulmate completes you. Truthfully, your soulmate is you and only you. You are certainly fortunate if you have met someone who sees and experiences the world in a similar way to you. However, at the end of the day, you are your own soulmate. You know your own needs best. You know what makes you content and happy in the world. You have everything within you to make your life complete. Another person might supplement your happiness but the happiness comes directly from you.
4. Your soulmate will always get you. Over a lifetime, you and another person will change. The things you fell in love with will change, diminish or even disappear completely. There may be times where the person who you connected with at one point in your life, may not connect with you at a different point. That’s okay too and certainly not a bad thing! Appreciate your loved one for who they are today. Even though your loved one may change one day that just gives you an opportunity to continue learning about your partner, finding them interesting and falling in love with them all over again. As romantic as it seems that someone will always connect with us, the reality is that everyone (including you) is on a journey that requires change. You will change and so will your partner. You may not change together and at times you may even feel incompatible. Your partner may challenge you at times in many ways. However, you can continue learning, growing, expanding and supporting each other on this beautiful journey creating an even deeper and more powerful love in the process.
5. Anything can work with a soulmate if you continue giving energy to the relationship. All relationships need a healthy balance of give and take. Soulmate or not, when give and take is out of balance, your relationship may be prone to unhealthy behaviours. Your loved one may begin to take you for granted and not appreciate you as much as they should. You might begin to invest so much energy into giving into the relationship that you lose yourself and start to feel resentment towards your partner. Giving love is necessary from both partners but don’t mistake a toxic relationship for a healthy one. Toxicity can begin when the relationship becomes uneven. Focus on maintaining a balanced relationship with your partner.
6. Your happiness depends upon your soulmate. As romantic as it sounds, the idea that we are incomplete without someone is a delusion. There is no certainty in love. Even the healthiest and most long lasting relationships go through periods where the couples fall out of love, need to rediscover themselves and what makes them happy and have doubts about their own relationship. Looking for certainty in love and wishing that your happiness is dependent on another person will lead to disappointment. Your happiness is not dependent on a soulmate and that is a good thing. Again there is no certainty in love. You may never find someone you would call a soulmate. The love may not last forever. Your loved one may leave you, commit an act (i.e., lying or an infidelity) where you need to leave them or may end up passing away earlier than expected. When you realize that your happiness doesn’t depend on a soulmate, you open yourself to an even greater form of love. Detachment from unrealistic ideals opens you up to truly loving someone for who they are. Even when times get hard, you’ll develop a deeper understanding, compassion, kindness, forgiveness and commitment towards your partner.
Breaking away from the idea of a soulmate actually gives you room to develop true love within yourself and love to share with another. Believing in soulmates puts you at risk for unnecessary negativity when a relationship with a person who feels like a soulmate does not work out. You might even dismiss partners who don’t give you the feelings that many people mistake for a soulmate. For instance, you might chase after partners who make you feel nervous, butterflies, excitement and who you feel an immediate strong connection with. Even worse, you might stay in abusive and toxic relationships due to the fear that this person is your soulmate and the person you were made to be with. A great partner might be right in front of you but may not give you those feelings, instead giving you feelings of calm, reliability, understanding, and trust and loving you exactly for who you are.
As you step away from viewing a soulmate as another person you can begin to embrace your true soulmate which is you. As you open yourself to self-love and self-acceptance, you open yourself up to appreciating and receiving love from another. The person you are looking for has been with you all along. As you start to recognize the love you have within you, you’ll realize that everything you need is within you. You’ll open yourself to recognizing the love that other people have for you once you make a strong connection with yourself first.