Failure is something that is an inevitable part of life. Parts of growth and moving forward involve failure. All of us have a list of failures that have started probably from early childhood whether that was your first attempts at learning to walk, speak a language or make friends or all of the above. But regardless of how often we may have failed in the past, failure hurts. And sadly, sometimes failure hurts just as much as it did in the past.
You may be in a place where you know failure is healthy and normal but don’t know how to cope with the pain. Or perhaps you are working on something important to your core values and cannot deal with the guilt associated with that failure. For instance, you might be a strict vegan who had to eat meat products for some reason. Or you’ve been working hard in your career and just made a huge mistake that you can’t easily bounce back from.
Stay thankful. As cliche as that may sound, having gratitude for what you value in you life will help you keep perspective. Yes, that failure hurts and you really wish you didn’t have to experience that but there’s still good things happening in your life. This failure doesn’t have to define you. Focus on the good things in your life whether that’s your health, family, friends, the job you have, a beloved pet or having your home.
Failure is something you can deal with. You have been dealing with failure since you were a young child. Although this new failure feels fresh and unique, remember that you have failed in the past. As painful as these emotions feel and no matter how much shame and disappointment you are feeling right now, I can guarantee that you will be okay.
You are not defined by a failure. Be careful about calling yourself negative words because you’ve had some cases of failure. Some of the greatest people who have ever lived have had more than their share of failures. As tough as it may be to believe right now, you are not a failure.
Embrace healthy coping skills. Feeling pain from failure is completely natural. Be aware of when you might be coping in a poor way. If you find yourself needing a bottle of wine every night or covering up your pain with drugs or alcohol, then that is a big sign that you are not coping with your failure in a healthy way. Similarly, avoiding the pain by trying to keep yourself busy or ignoring your feelings is toxic as well. Be cautious of other bad habits as well such as eating junk food, smoking or shutting yourself off from your social groups. There are healthy ways to cope with the pain of failure such as surrounding yourself with positive people, exercise, taking care of yourself and being active in a hobby you enjoy. Take note of the healthy ways to cope and rely on those when you find yourself dealing with failure.
You can only go up from here. Failure is an opportunity to grow, learn and become stronger. Whenever you feel upset by your failures, focus on the fact that this is an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and make better choices in the future.
Change your definition of failure. The idea of failure doesn’t have to have such a negative connotation. Failure can represent the road to becoming great, the struggles that are necessary to grow as a person, an opportunity to learn or something you need today to become a better version of you tomorrow. You don’t have to view failure as a purely negative thing. Change the way you approach failure and focus on the benefits of failing. A new perspective will help you realize that as unpleasant as failure feels, it’s sometimes necessary to grow.