A few months ago I had this realization that I may not be nurturing my soul enough. In other words, I haven’t been prioritizing my own happiness in the ways that I need to. Many of you may be able to relate to this feeling. Work, children and other responsibilities tend to take precedence over our own happiness. Having time to ourselves can often result in feelings of guilt. We tend to be thinking about the next task that we need to do or just catching up on sleep. Over time this cycle wears at our being to the point that we neglect ourselves and find ourselves desperately needing to be nurtured but unable to figure out how to do it. Others may have neglected themselves so much that giving themselves any attention may seem selfish or undeserving. How do we get out of this cycle?
Here are some tips to help nourish your soul. Try applying at least one of these tips to your life every week.
- Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend who was going through a similar experience. Sometimes it’s easy to assume that you are a failure. This thought leads to you not supporting yourself in the way you need to. It’s an easy trap to fall into. I’ve been through this myself. Sometimes what gets me out of this trap is imagining if a close friend was going through the exact situation. What would I tell them? Would I view them as a failure? Would I see them as someone who is undeserving of something or a person who has made mistakes? Would I support my friend or cast blind judgment upon them? Viewing yourself through this lens will help you realize that we are human, make mistakes, have flaws and deserve to take time out for ourselves.
- Indulge your appetite with something you have been craving. Being healthy and staying in shape is very important. However, many researchers have shown that it’s possible and recommended to maintain a healthy lifestyle and still eat the foods that you want. Devote a day or a meal to eating whatever you want in appropriate portions.
- Find time to exercise. Try to exercise as a way to relax and not view it as something you need to do to burn calories or meet a workout goal. The best exercise for me is one where I feel good while doing it and after I do it. Avoid workouts that you hate. If you hate jogging then don’t do it. Find time to exercise or combine it with other activities that you find relaxing such as walking the dog, taking your baby out on a stroll or going on a scenic hike.
- Make peace with people you have an issue with. Regardless of how recent or long ago the incident was, do what you can to make peace with that person. If you find yourself hurting others unintentionally or not, then apologize, be kind, be loving and know when it is time to step away and give that person space for healing. Depending on the extent of the pain caused, the person hurt or the both of you may need time apart to let go of past pain and learn to forgive. If the person is incredibly toxic to your life and is only causing harm to your life, then find the strength to leave them alone and accept that sometimes finding peace is walking away and moving on. Cutting people off is an incredibly difficult thing to do and I’ve rarely been successful at it, but if someone is hurting you with painful actions such as manipulation, lack of remorse and abuse then it’s time to cut the cord.
- Find time to meditate or to think. This can be one of my biggest challenges. I don’t set aside time to really think about what I want and need in life. As a result, I am setting myself up for neglecting myself because I don’t even give myself adequate time and energy to identify those needs. Please note that identifying your needs will take time, possibly months or more. It requires a great deal of honesty and self-reflection that may begin with small needs to larger needs. Needs also change over time. Try to be patient with yourself during this process. The most important thing to do is to find a place away from distractions where you can think about your life.
- Share kindness with people in your life. My own personal motto is to never fail to be kind to others. Doing this allows you to become more attentive to the needs of others. You also begin to appreciate certain aspects of your life more. An added bonus is that you begin to value and appreciate loved ones in your life. The more compassion I show to others only makes me appreciate the ways people have shown compassion to me. It feels great to be kind and I do believe that you attract positive karma when you strive to be a genuine and compassionate person.
- Find time for rest. Rest does not just include sleeping either. Sleep is wonderful and is a good start if you find yourself lacking adequate sleep. However, rest can involve taking time to just do activities that relax you. These activities could include listening to music for hours, taking warm baths, walking in nature, napping or watching a movie. Think of an activity that genuinely relaxes you and helps you rest. Try to utilize these activities into your life regularly.
- Accept the unfavorable things in your life. A part of life is dealing with situations, people and things that may bring out negative characteristics within us or cause annoyance. Our first thought may be to avoid these things or to become hostile when faced with them. However, these tactics do not nurture your soul. Again, if something is truly toxic to your life then walk away. However, if you are dealing with something that is unfavorable or you have to work with someone that you don’t like, learn to accept it for now. Acceptance will help you find peace. I recently had a conversation with someone where they were describing a friend she has had for over a decade. Her interactions with this person have been largely unfavorable to her life (not toxic) but she learned to accept her friend, strengths and weaknesses. As a result their friendship has been better overall. She appreciates her friend for who she is and understands her limits with that person, ultimately creating a safer environment for negative interactions to not occur.
- Don’t neglect the things that give you joy. Work, family and other responsibilities of life can often give us excuses to neglect the things that give us personal joy, whatever that may be. No matter how busy you are, make time to do something you enjoy doing even if it’s just for a few hours every week. If you find yourself making excuses to not do something that genuinely brings you peace and joy, then that is a clear sign that you may be neglecting things that give you happiness.
There are plenty of other ways to help nurture your soul. It is up to you to find those things on your own. Hopefully these few changes you can make in your life will help you better nurture yourself. Again, every person is different, but taking these general steps should help you ultimately find what YOU NEED to better create a space where you can nurture your soul and learn to be happy with yourself.