Last year I remember someone mentioning that the best way to see the best in other people is to remember that someone in the world loves that person. Hearing that statement changed the way I viewed some people in my life. We all know people who we have a hard time liking. People who seem very negative, who have only treated us with disrespect and where there is little chance that we will ever be friends. Yet, when I remembered someone out there loves this person, it made me realize that they have different roles in their life outside of the role I see them in. A co-worker who I don’t really get along with might be a loving partner or a wonderful child to their parent. That grouchy neighbour I see regularly might be very loved by their grandchildren. Someone out there loves each and every one of us.
Below are some tips to help improve your interactions with people you have a difficult time seeing the light in.
Identify the positive things about that person. Whenever I think about someone I don’t like, I instantly focus on their negative characteristics. I might constantly think about the times their behaviour made me feel hurt or the disrespectful words that they used towards me. As difficult as it may be, focus on the positives of this person. What is this person doing right? How has this person benefitted your life? What are the things you do like about this person? Maybe this person loves to laugh and make tons of jokes to lighten the situation up. Perhaps this person once gave you a compliment that made you feel good for the day. Maybe your co-worker once did you a favour or was flexible which demonstrated that they do trust and respect your work on some level. The point of focusing on their positives is not so that you start liking this person and becoming their friends. The real outcome is so you view the person with kindness which can better improve your interactions with that person.
Encourage the person to open up. Sometimes it can be difficult to see the light within another because they are closed off to you or maybe you have never really made the effort to get to know them. Sometimes when we dislike someone, we unconsciously end up treating them in a way that discourages them from opening up. You might have experienced this yourself. When you know someone dislikes you, you can sense that. As a result, you might avoid opening up to them or sharing yourself to them. Try to get to know the person and find the light within them. This can be something simple as asking them for help or asking them to share what they did during the weekend. Maybe you notice that they enjoy a certain sport and you can ask them about the game. Even something small as giving a genuine compliment can help break down the barriers.
“See the light in others and treat them as if that’s all you see” – Dr. Wayne Dyer. Now that you have identified the positives, treat them as if the negatives do not exist. This can be difficult at first so be patient as you try to change how you interact with this person. There is a person that I regularly have to interact with that I don’t like. However, once I started treating her with kindness and based off all the positives that I could see within her, the dynamic of our relationship changed. She is not someone I consider to be a friend but we have a mutually amicable relationship and can even talk a little bit about our personal lives and laugh together. This is a tremendous improvement from when I would deal with the negativity by ignoring her or being curt when we do speak with each other. Focus on showing respect and kindness to all the people in your life.
Put the focus back on you. I have noticed a trend that I tend to take things more personally and tend to view people more negatively when there is something off within my own life. Your view of that person may not change, but the influence that person has on your life diminishes when you put the focus back on you. Take a good look at your own life and evaluate if anything feels off and if you are not taking care of yourself. You may need to judge if you are taking care of your health, getting enough exercise, doing activities that fulfill you and be honest if you are neglecting the things or people that do enhance your life. Accept that you cannot change the people in your life no matter how badly you would like to. The only person in your control is yourself. Continue to take care of yourself and give yourself the love that you deserve. As a result, you will be less reliant on needing other people to be more positive in your life.