I am guilty of being unnecessarily irritated at people. A couple of days ago I was carrying a pretty heavy cake. I had walked with the cake for an hour, holding it by myself and somehow unharmed. Once I got to the train station on a Saturday night, I noticed there was a massive amount of people in line. I took my time getting to the train station. I didn’t push and even allowed people in front of me to guarantee the safety of my cake. However, I was getting into the ticket barrier when the guy in front of me suddenly took off his backpack and swung it around, hitting my cake. Fortunately my cake was mostly unharmed but some of the fondant lollies had broken off. I was so irritated at this guy who carelessly swung his backpack which resulted in slightly ruining my cake.
Many instances in life happen where I feel irritated. Maybe someone from work is always asking me for help unannounced and right before my lunch break or before I leave work for the day. Maybe I’m seeking help about something and my query keeps getting redirected endlessly before reaching a solution. For instance I’m calling my phone company to help get assistance with my phone, but the call keeps getting passed over to various people, I’m on hold for over an hour and ultimately a solution is not reached.
Truthfully, I really dislike the fact that I get irritated so easily. I play out a reality in my head that is most likely not even true. I allow myself to feel angry over a situation that may not even deserve any negativity in the first place. I spend too much of my emotion being annoyed about a situation. Below are some awesome lessons I have learned about being irritated.
1. Irritation comes from fear. Often times I become irritated because I don’t want to be taken advantage of or for people to view me as weak. However, a persons actions aren’t necessarily anything about me. For instance, if someone asks me for help at work right before I leave for work that doesn’t mean that person doesn’t care about my time or doesn’t respect the fact that I need to leave. Perhaps that person really needs help, realizes work is almost over and is hoping for a quick resolution to their problem so that they don’t have to stay late. Maybe my coworker doesn’t even realize how late in the day it is. Or maybe my coworker thinks that asking me for help will only take less than a minute of my time and doesn’t realize their request is causing me to be late.
2. Irritation comes from disconnect. Feeling irritated can come from the fact that we haven’t connected with the person. Due to the lack of connection it is easy to paint a likely inaccurate picture of the person who triggered your feelings of irritation. A person who seems like they are cutting into the line may seem like a total jerk, but if you try to speak with this person you may learn that they didn’t see you there, recently moved to that location and was unaware of where the line began or is having a very stressful day. When possible, try to connect with a person who you feel is irritating you. You can try doing this by starting a small conversation or even smiling at this person can trigger a conversation. The conversation might provide more insight into a behavior that is causing you to feel irritated. Sometimes sparking up a conversation can often lead to developing friendships. As you connect with a person you’ll start to see that your first impressions were wrong or too harsh and you’ll open yourself up to truly getting to know someone.
3. Irritation needs to be relieved with deep breaths and other coping mechanisms. Often times it is hard for us to stop feeling irritated completely. Although you may find it too difficult to stop allowing yourself to feel irritated, you can take some steps to not feel irritated. When I feel irritated, I take deep and calm breaths and try to relax. I also try to clear my head and open myself to positive thoughts. Being successful at this practice doesn’t occur overnight but it makes irritation go away fairly quickly once you get the hang of it. Practice coping mechanisms that help you deal with the irritation.
4. Irritation makes life feel inaccurately one-sided. A side effect of being irritated is feeling like everyone else is being unfair. For instance, I went on a hike recently and a woman passed me and my group by. Ahead of us was another group standing on the trail and having a chat. Clearly the group chatting were people who had ran into each other and were surprised to see each other. However, this group was slightly blocking the path which required hikers to pass around then. The woman said loudly how annoyed she was that groups of people were standing on the trail and blocking other people. One of her hiking companions remarked that although it was irritating, the group was doing the right thing by staying on the trail. If the group got off the trail, they would be damaging the fragile environment. Her hiking companion also commented on the fact that they probably didn’t realize they were blocking people on the trail. Her hiking companion was right. Those people weren’t trying to be rude. They were following the guidelines of the national park by staying on the trail and they probably didn’t realize how much they were blocking the path. Truthfully, all of us have done things to irritate people. I’ve unintentionally pushed someone in a rush. I do apologize but I’m well aware that there is a good chance that person was irritated by my hastiness. I’m positive I have cut people off in traffic or done other irritating behaviors that felt unintentional. Life may seem unfair when someone irritates you but keep in mind that you also might be irritating other people too. Give people the benefit of the doubt because we often do irritating things that rely on people giving us the benefit of the doubt.
5. Make changes when necessary. You can’t always escape being irritated but find out what situations tend to trigger you. For instance, taking the train every morning before work tends to irritate me. I tend to find myself irritated at people’s behavior in the morning and it puts me in a negative mood going into work. As a result, I always take a longer walk to work. This works out great for me because walking improves my health and limits my interactions with irritating triggers. Find out what changes you may need to make moving forward. You might need to switch products or services if you are irritated with customer service. You might go to the gym after work to avoid dealing with rush hour traffic after work. Maybe you go to the store at different hours to avoid the long queues which have more people that might irritate you. You can’t shut out irritating behaviors permanently but you may find ways to limit how much you need to deal with these behaviors on a day-to-day basis.
6. Irritating behaviors can sometimes come from a good place. The people who irritate you may be your loved ones, your partner or a random stranger. For instance, a person cuts in front of you in line while you are busy staring at the magazines. The stranger may have assumed you were still shopping and weren’t actually in the line. This does happen often. I’ve often waited behind someone who was just browsing and thankfully the person would eventually tell me to go in front of them as they are busy trying to figure out what to buy. Partners can sometimes be irritating. Your partner might make a remark that tends to irritate you, causing you to lash out unnecessarily. However, your partner might have been making a remark to make you smile or as a joke. When feeling irritated, try to view the situation from a positive angle. For all you know, maybe someone meant well and your interpretation of the event makes it seem more negative.
7. Assess how to best handle the situation. Sometimes irritating behaviors can occur more regularly. A one off situation may not be something you can always handle but be on the lookout for reoccurring behaviors. For instance, let’s say you deal with irritating coworkers at the workplace. As this issue is reoccurring it may be best for you to assess how you should handle the situation in the future. You may need to respectfully and calmly approach your coworker and come at the situation with solutions. For instance, let’s say your coworker always asks you for help randomly, without warning and expects you to throw away all your commitments just to help them. A great way to work through this irritating behavior is to explain to your coworker that you would be happy to help them but would need a few hours notice so that you can have enough time to commit. Or you might just tell them that you would love to help them but will have to do so the following day. You’ll find that approaching situations with solutions helps remedy the situation and minimizes the risk of hurt feelings. Other situations you may have to let go of. I have a couple of people in my life who irritate me, however, their irritating behaviors are something I can let go of and simply move on from. That doesn’t mean my feeling of irritation goes away completely, but the risk of bringing up the fact that their behavior irritates me is simply not worth it. I’d rather just deal with it and move on.
Dealing with annoying situations can be tough and it isn’t always clear on how to best handle a irritating situation. However, keep working at dealing with the situation. As you learn to deal with the situation, you’ll be in a better place to not allow irritating behaviors to get to you.